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Strong is the New Skinny

Thursday, August 18th, 2011

Me celebrating this body

The other day I went to coffee with my personal trainer, and we were chatting about fitness, the urge women have to do endless, hideous (in my opinion, of course) hours of cardio exercise instead of strength training, and our cultural viewpoint around women with muscles and strength. She mentioned she was giving a workshop entitled “Strong is the New Skinny.” I loved that phrase so much I could practically feel a blog post writing itself as we spoke.

As I mentioned in a recent post, I’ve had body image struggles for most of my life.  I have often argued with my body about its natural shape – muscular, not a lot in the, er…chest department, and did I say muscular? For a long time, I ACHED to be a tall, willowy, delicate body type. There were periods in my life where I pretended I could achieve this by either a) starving myself, b) doing “lengthening workouts” like Pilates or c) running thousands of miles until I transformed my body into a “runner’s body.”

After much practice, I’ve finally learned to love my body as-is, and to embrace my natural muscular strength. I’ve stopped doing hours of mindless cardio exercise, because my body doesn’t really like it, it drains me energetically, and I find it is just another way for me to ignore my body or push it past its limits. Also, it doesn’t make the slightest difference in my weight or size.

Now, I do primarily heavy weight lifting, short interval cardio workouts, walking, and yoga. It only took me 20 years to finally listen to my body and respect the type of workout it actually likes to do. Lo and behold, I am now actually fitter than I’ve ever been, and I look pretty nice in a pair of jeans. I’m not willowy. You would never mistake me for a swimsuit model. But I feel good about how I care for my body. I feel good in my body. I feel strong. (I’m not saying my workout style is perfect for everyone. I am saying that your body is a much better fitness guide than any fitness guru out there. It helps you design the perfect workout for you.)

Yes, I still have “fat” days here and there, but I’ve come to a new place with my body. I now stand naked in front of the mirror every morning and compliment myself. This is quite a change from the past, in which I once gained 50 pounds without even noticing. I am not kidding. I hated my body so much that I simply couldn’t even tell what it really looked like. I always assumed I needed to lose some huge number of pounds and that I looked terrible, so I didn’t even see the reality in the mirror.

This disconnect played a huge role in my weight gain. When I finally realized what had happened, I looked back at old pictures of myself and discovered I’d spent years thinking I was overweight when I was really just me. I was at my body’s happy weight. Being overweight taught me about my relationship with my body, so I am grateful I went through that experience. I learned how to actually see myself. I learned how to actually be myself, no apologies needed.

The truth is, I am a strong person. I am strong physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. One of my biggest strengths is my strength. I was given the gift of muscles. Even if I don’t work out for weeks, I am strong. In high school, my peers on the swim team called me “Muscles.” I have shoulders and biceps that can power through the pool for hours on end. I have stamina. I have serious thighs. I could probably leap tall buildings at a single bound. I wear totally different dress and pants sizes because of those beauties.

When I was a kid, my dad called me many different nicknames, one of which was “Elephant Touch.” This was because I had trouble dealing with my own strength and often accidentally broke things, gave my brother concussions while playing catch, and otherwise wreaked havoc. The other day we got out the Wiffle ball during a family gathering, and I took the first turn at bat. I took a nice, powerful swing and promptly crushed the ball. Literally. My brother picked it up, held its sad mangled remains in his hand, and shook his head. “I forgot what it’s like to play sports with you,” he said.

I used to feel ashamed of this strength. I used to hate it when people called me strong, muscular, or anything like it. Now, I am proud to be strong. I’m not ripped, I’m not ready to hop on stage at a body builder show, but I do have muscle on me. This is the body I was given, and I finally love it just the way it is. I can see how my strength helps me every single day.

So here’s my question for you today: What about your body has always bothered you, and how can you see it in a new light? How is it a gift?

I think how we treat our bodies, see our bodies, and feel in our bodies is so interconnected. It’s time to make some serious changes in how we talk about our bodies. Nearly everyone I coach struggles with body image dissatisfaction, and I’ve begun to realize just how hard many of us are on ourselves. I used to think I was alone in my struggle, but now I see just how prevalent this issue is for both women and men.

Probably one of the most important things we can do for ourselves in this lifetime is learn to like and love our own bodies, even as they change, age, gain/lose weight, hurt, heal, and otherwise have the physical human experience. Loving our own bodies brings us home. They don’t have to look good, perfect, or even remotely like the “ideal” for us to love them.

Why in the world would willowy be any better than strong? Why is “fat” something we abhor? Why have we picked one normal, natural part of being physical and turned it into something awful? (In fact, I think it’s the classic “what you resist, persists.” The more we “fight fat” the harder it is to be in harmony with our bodies and find a healthy balance as individuals.) Why would I strive for skinny when my body loves strong? Why should any single part of me be any different than it is? There is beauty everywhere in every human body, just waiting to be seen. I’m looking. Are you?

Want to join me in banishing the nasty body talk and learning to treat your body with love? Hop on the phone Tuesday, 8/23 at 9 PT/10 MT/11 CT/12 ET for my monthly Body Talk call for Good Vibe University.

Call In Info: (724) 444-7444 Call ID: 92813 (use 1# if prompted for pin)

The topic is Body Image and I’ve planned a fun and interactive process to help all of us shift how we treat our bodies. (The call is free if you join in live, but recordings are only available to GVU members. If you’re at all interested in the Law of Attraction, I can’t recommend a GVU membership enough! No, I’m not an affiliate, either! I just love Jeannette Maw and her work.)

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Posted in Body Image, Mind Body Healing, Self-love, Stress Relief, Weight Loss | 4 Comments »

My Body Image Journey: The Inside Story

Thursday, July 21st, 2011

I was reading fellow coach Jeannette Maw’s blog post about her belly spell this week (The belly spell really cracked me up! Soooo funny! I love Jeannette!) and it inspired this post. I have struggled for many years – my entire life, actually – with body image issues. I can remember clearly when I first started disliking my body. I was ten years old, just beginning those pre-teen, puberty-ridden years, and I saw a video of myself. I was horrified. From that day on, I fought with my body.

I do not have a traditional model body. I am not tall and thin. I am of medium height and muscular build. I tend to look fit and athletic when my body and I are getting along, but I do not weigh in at a featherweight number, ever. When I was struggling with overeating, emotional eating, and severe body dislike, my weight went up near the two-hundred pound mark.

I’ve since returned to my body’s natural weight, but even after the experience of actually being overweight, I struggled to like my body. I kept thinking it should look like the “ideal.” Yet, even when I went on strict diets, my body would drop maybe two to five pounds below my natural weight and then I would get sick. It was clearly a fight that simply didn’t need to be fought. My body is perfectly happy weighing 143 pounds. It is my mind that argues with that.

Much of my personal mind-body work has been directed at this body image issue. I longed to love my body instead of fight my body. For many years, I thought this meant I had to change my body. Then I realized I had to change my relationship with it instead. I had to connect to it, learn to live in it, learn to listen to it, learn to feel my emotions, and recognize mind-stories that weren’t serving me. (Like “I should look like a model.”)

I started to see that stressing about my weight and body was one of my biggest ways to run from my emotions and avoid facing feeling them. It was what I call a decoy – something that successfully occupies me so I simply have no attention left for my emotions. All of this self-awareness combined started to help me love my body more and more. I didn’t love it every day, but I was tipping the balance way more to the love side.

Then, something happened. In January this year, I got pregnant. I was so excited, and so very ready to embark on the motherhood journey. I was excited to experience the changes in my body and the magic of growing a baby in my belly. Like Jeannette, I’ve often wished for a flatter belly, but I was willing to let it expand to hold a new little one inside me.

It was a little disconcerting to notice my jeans fitting more snugly. At only six weeks pregnant, I started to feel somewhat puffy. Then at eight weeks, there were some clothing items that were downright stretched. At nine weeks, I was pretty sure I’d need some new clothes soon, and the waistband of my favorite jeans was uncomfortably tight.  I could feel my backside expanding, too. While I understood it was necessary, I admit to a wince or two after glancing over my shoulder into the mirror.

At nine and half weeks, I miscarried.

The shock was unbelievable. The grief was overwhelming. The physical pain was tiring. I felt empty in my belly, lost in my heart, and just…sad. I was so ready to be a mom. It felt like there was a hole in that mom-space I’d created, both internally and externally. My body was tired and aching, my mind confused, and my emotions strong.

Even as I grieved, I could see the power in my body’s wisdom. It was aware of things I couldn’t know, and it knew this pregnancy wasn’t a go, for whatever reason. I didn’t have to know the details in my mind to feel that my body knew best. I let it do what it needed – sleep, rest, and cry.

After a few weeks, I started going back to my normal routine. Letting the grief flow allowed me to start healing, allowed my body to start regaining energy, and I began to feel like I was almost alive again. I had moments of joy shine through the fog of grief.

One day, I put on my jeans to run an errand. I’d mostly been wearing yoga pants for my resting, sleeping, and grieving phase. I slipped the jeans on, threw on a shirt, and started for the door, purse in hand. Something in that movement caught my attention. My jeans weren’t tight. The waistband wasn’t cutting into my belly anymore. There was room to move in them.

I felt the loose jeans from my belly straight to my heart – a visceral, shocking, upside-down moment.

I set down my purse and cried.  I ached for that tight-jeans feeling. I wanted it back. I wanted my belly to still be expanding. I wanted my backside to be popping seams. I wanted to be shopping for maternity clothes. I didn’t want my jeans to be loose at all. Once of my lifelong desires simply vanished in that instant. I could have cared less how I looked, how thin I was or wasn’t, or what anyone in the world thought of my body. I could have cared less for fashion or the shape of my waist, or any of it. It all paled in comparison to the longing for what was lost.

I never thought I’d be sad because my jeans were loose. I never thought I’d see my body from that vantage point. But because I did, I have something powerful to hold in my mind. Because life goes on, you know. I now have the same old thoughts pop up about how I look in my pants, whether I’ve gained a pound or lost a pound, why my belly can’t just magically transform itself to something much cuter, what dreadful fashion designer cooked up the latest non-flattering style on purpose just to torture me. They come into my mind. And sometimes they bug me for a day or two.

But then I can simply remember. I can drop back into that moment when I was heartbroken that my jeans were loose. I am grateful for that moment, because it gave me a new relationship with my body. I saw what my body can do – it can grow life in it! How amazing! It can heal from loss. It can serve me, every day, even if I’m angry with it. It doesn’t have to look like any prescribed ideal to be completely, totally perfect. Yes, it changed even from a short pregnancy. Yes, I am a little older these days than in my teen years. Yes, I have a wrinkle or two.

But in the end, my body is healthy. We’ve been through chronic pain together, she and I, and now we’ve been through this, too. She’s a war-horse. She’s strong. She still takes to the jogging path and the hiking trail with energy and enjoyment, even after all she’s experienced. I’m impressed. She bounces back. She brings me daily enjoyment in so many different ways. Without her, I’d have no home for my soul. I wouldn’t have a voice, a mind, a heart. I need her. She needs me.

So we’re working together, my body and me. We’re on the same team. Even if we have the occasional disagreement, our relationship is much improved. The war is over. I love her. She’s always loved me. We’re friends.  And she hasn’t dropped a single pound or shed an ounce of fat for me to come to this place of connection, love, and peace. She carried a baby for me. She took care of me. She was there. And truly, that is all I need.

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Posted in Body Image, Interstitial Cystitis, Miscarriage, Motherhood, Vulvodynia, Weight Loss | 27 Comments »

Remembering What You Forgot

Thursday, May 19th, 2011

This weekend, I was feeling a little disconnected, stressed, and tense. My shoulders were inching up around my ears and clearly holding some kind of emotion. I knew it was time to walk my talk, so I mind-body coached myself.

This experience reminded me that I haven’t written much about what I call mind-body maintenance. Once you’ve released your mind-body pain syndrome and have created health, you enter the mind-body maintenance phase. This phase is where you learn about forgetting and remembering.  I myself have forgotten the mind-body tools at least a million times in the ten years I’ve been using them. As soon as I realize I’ve forgotten, I remember them. There they are, like trusty old friends, waiting for me.

Many of my clients have had small panic attacks during the maintenance phase, because after months or years of pain-free living, a symptom pops up. It is usually quite mild, but most people immediately imagine they will be diving back into dealing with their pain syndrome daily.

Not so!

Here is where living the mind-body way becomes really worthwhile. Instead of fearing a symptom appearance, you get to experience a newfound confidence in your ability to create health. The truth is, you know what to do when a symptom shows up.

Here’s the deal: whatever your symptom may be – burning in the hoo-ha region, bladder irritability, a couple extra pounds, a bout of IBS gas that requires you to blame the dog – it is only here to remind you to remember what you’ve forgotten.

Should a symptom, new or familiar, appear, it’s time to take a close look at the last month and see where you have forgotten to connect to your body, feel your emotions, and use your mind-body basics.

Your mind might try to make this complicated. It might tell you a million different reasons why you’re experiencing this episode. Here are a few examples:

“Well, I probably need a major surgery or some other procedure.”

“This pain in my back just HAS to be from that time I stubbed my toe in 1983. Why else would it be here? There’s really no other explanation.”

“I am just doomed to gain weight – it must be genetics. Or maybe I was abducted by aliens and they injected me with a fat-causing serum. It can’t possibly be that I overate! I’m sure I ate just fine all month.”

“My bladder must be upset because I drank/ate [insert your choice of food or drink here]. Oh no! Oh no!”

“What is wrong with me! Why does this happen! What do I do! I have no idea what to do! Oh my God! AAAAAGGHHHHH!”

Your individual mind, of course, will tailor its freak-out to your personal situation. The trick here is to realize your mind is LOST. It doesn’t know what to do, and it is in search-for-the-reason mode BECAUSE you are disconnected from your body and emotions. It cannot help you in this moment unless you stop and remember your mind-body basics.

1)     Stop whatever you’re doing, breathe, and pay attention to your body. Scan your body from your feet to your head, and really check in. Where do you notice tension? Be IN your body, instead of thinking about your body/analyzing/looking for solutions.

2)     Breathe. Take five minutes to just breathe.

3)     Ask yourself the question, “What am I feeling now?” Then allow yourself to feel that emotion.

That is the simplest, most basic form of the mind-body tools. You can do this in a short ten minutes. Keep it up daily for a week and you’ll realize that your symptom is just here to remind you of what you forgot. Breathe. Feel. Breathe. Feel. Every day. Take time to notice your body. See what it really wants. Any time you have been ignoring it, you’ll likely discover some pent-up emotion, some requests for rest or a slower pace (or other change in your habits), and then a return to peace and health. The symptom will disappear quickly – within days, hours, and even minutes.

Eventually, as you learn how to manage yourself in the maintenance phase, you’ll find that your nemesis symptoms only arise when you’ve really gotten off track, and even then, they are quite mild. For the most part, you’ll spend your days pain-free, because you’ll be paying attention to your body and noticing any tension before it turns into actual pain, or any upsurge in food intake before it turns into ten pounds.

Wish you knew even more about how to manage yourself in the maintenance phase? Not to worry – a whole slew of material on this is in the works!

Everyone forgets. We all disconnect. The goal is not to do the mind-body process perfectly, day in and day out. It’s simply to notice when you’ve forgotten and then pick up the tools and use them. Not perfectly. Not for three hours. Ten little minutes. That’s all. Remember that you do know how to do this. Now it’s time to do it.

Breathe. (I’m not kidding about breathing. It’s incredibly powerful. Click here and scroll down for the Help! I Think I Need to Learn How to Breathe Audio/Video Course.

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Posted in Interstitial Cystitis, Vulvodynia, Weight Loss | 2 Comments »

Don’t Force It

Thursday, March 24th, 2011

This post was written by Ann Burrish, an Endorsed Healthy Life Mind-Body Coach. She can be reached for consults and coaching at ann.burrish@gmail.com.

square-peg-round-hole

Years ago I received this excellent advice from one of the wisest and most practical people I know. At the time I was attempting some version of trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, relying on my mechanical style statement of jamming the stubborn item (drawer, door, key, trunk lid, you name it) into its “proper” place.

His advice, that the most important information was 1)not that it didn’t fit, but 2)why and how it didn’t, and 3) how to make it work with ease, it was a lightbulb moment for me. It led to noticing what what was stuck – and to non-violent household solutions.

For awhile “Don’t Force It” was my DIY mantra. Eventually I realized its truth as a more global philosophy. Force leads to struggle, which leads to a fight/flight/flee stress response, which leads to a host of mind/body pain, from IC, back pain, and fibromyalgia, to weight gain, anxiety and beyond. When I started listening to my body, it all fell into place.“Don’t Force It” replaced my previous all-purpose motto, the old Nike slogan, “Just Do It.”

One of my “do’s” had been to drag myself to the running trail whether it sounded like fun or flogging. I eventually started to notice that when my body’s need was to heal, my muscles and joints weren’t happy, the endorphins didn’t kick in, and the experience was more ordeal than exercise. Coincidentally (or not), I started reading about the concept of over-training, which provided scientific evidence for what I was experiencing. The gods of “should,” OCD, and habit didn’t strike me down for taking a day or week off. My physical being thanked me with energy and lifted spirits. I began to focus on my body’s messages and expanded my awareness to other areas of my life.

Additionally, as I played with listening to my body, I realized that at times she wanted something (physical activity, completion of a task, protein) and had difficulty being heard because of whiny thoughts: “It’s too much work, I don’t feel like it, I deserve six cookies.” That’s when my logic mind and my meta-consciousness (Compassionate Witness, Wise Guide) entered my awareness as helpful detective and observer. They have also become guides to what my being really desires: whether it’s doing, not doing, doing something else, or choosing to do/not do it this time, or file the info for the future.

My To-Do or Not To-Do Steps:

1) Notice the physical sensations and emotions from a situation/decision, especially heavy or light

2) Notice thoughts attached to emotions/sensations, if thoughts arise

3) Ask yourself what message is being sent

4) Act accordingly

5) When values, uncertain boundaries, or practicalities lead to actions that don’t feel body-centered (i.e. attend the meeting, change the litter box, pay the bills) give self a hug for awareness and file as “good to know for the future/what did I learn from this?”

The Quick Version:

1) Find two possible actions and a coin

2) One alternative is heads, the other is tails

3) Flip the coin

4) Notice how you feel about the result of the toss – your Wise Guide is speaking

I encourage you to experiment with ways of hearing what your body is telling you. I’m still learning and I would love to hear your own listening techniques. There are multiple benefits and no down side to getting your body’s opinion – and letting go of unaware force.

May the Ease be with you!

Ann

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Posted in Adrenal Fatigue, Business Success, Chronic Pain, Guest Post, Life Coaching, Martha Beck, Mind Body Connection, Mind Body Healing, Spiritual Growth, Stress Relief | No Comments »

Healing with Energy

Thursday, March 10th, 2011

Healing with LightThis exercise is incredibly potent and plenty of fun.  You can use it for physical ailments, weight loss, pain issues, relationship issues, career struggles, or pretty much anything at all.  Don’t limit yourself!  I think you’ll be amazed.

I recommend using this exercise whenever you feel yourself itching to DO something about a situation, but you either don’t know what action step to take next, feel stuck, or have a sense that there isn’t anything to be done about this right now.  If you’re a perennial do-er, like me, that can be frustrating!  Which is why I love this exercise.  It makes me feel like I’m taking action, but it doesn’t push against my inner wisdom when it’s telling me to rest, stop trying, and make no effort.

Start by sitting comfortably and taking several deep breaths.  Imagine you have a conduit running through the center of your body from your sacrum to the top of your head.  Visualize a beam of healing light energy coming down into this conduit through the top of your head.  Let the light energy flow all the way down to your sacrum and into the Earth.

Next, imagine that you are pulling healing Earth energy up through your sacrum and into your conduit.  Imagine this energy flowing all the way up to the crown of your head and up toward the sky.

Visualize your solar plexus and see these two energy streams meeting in a glowing, golden ball of light. Imagine this ball expanding from your solar plexus until it encompasses your whole body.  Imagine that you can feel this healing energy in every corner of your body, healing you and filling you with energy.

For physical ailments, that is all you need to do.  For other issues, visualize the center of your palms.  Imagine that this healing energy is now flowing from Earth and sky into your conduit and then out into your arms, leaving your body as a strong stream of healing energy through your palms.  Then, direct your palms toward whatever you want to heal.  This might mean placing your hands a couple of inches above a painful area, toward an image of your relationship or career, or anything else you’d like to focus on healing.

Let your imagination be your guide. Maybe you see your body losing weight as you direct this healing light toward an image of yourself.  Maybe you watch your career transform as you create a bubble of healing light around its image.  Whatever feels intuitively right is perfect.

When you feel finished, imagine sending your healed image up to the sky, Source, God, the universe, or your higher self.  Know that you have connected to the most powerful healing resource available to you – energy!  Your work is done.

Do this exercise as often or as little as feels right to you.  Trust your own inner wisdom.

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Posted in Interstitial Cystitis, Mind Body Healing, Vulvodynia, Weight Loss | 2 Comments »

Allowing the Pain

Thursday, March 3rd, 2011

AllowingToday I am featuring one of the most important mind-body skills.  You need this skill to relieve pain, lose weight, love your body, love yourself, de-stress, and more.  It’s a universally powerful skill, and I use it daily.

Some people call this skill “acceptance.”  However, I’ve decided that word has too much of a charge for many people.  My clients often react to it with dread, because they misinterpret it to mean “resigning one’s self to this fate forevermore.”  Yuck.  That’s not what we’re doing here!  So, I’ve decided to call this skill “allowing.”

First, here’s a quick definition of allowing: letting this moment be exactly as it is.

Why is allowing such a powerful healing skill?  Get ready for a slight mind-bender here.  With a couple minutes of review and attention, I think you’ll see what I’m saying, but you might need to take those couple minutes to really play with this idea.

If, in this moment, you are experiencing something you dislike (such as pain, overweight, etc.), your natural tendency is probably to push against this unwanted thing and want it to go away.  You are likely doing this with all your might, in the back of your mind, all day long.  Take a moment right now to pay attention to this pushing against sensation.  Notice what it feels like mentally.  Notice what it feels like emotionally.  Notice what it feels like physically.  Meet me back here when you’re done noticing.

What did you feel?  My guess is you felt some kind of mental tension, stress, worry, or fix-it mode.  You probably felt some kind of emotional heaviness or stuck-ness consisting of hopelessness, fear, or anger (or a mix).  You might have felt physical tension and a bit of a fight or flight response.  All of these feelings lumped together becomes what we call “resistance.”  This is the feeling you get when you fight something that is currently present in your life.

When you drop the fight and start allowing, you release this resistance.  Your body relaxes.  Your mind is able to function creatively again.  Your emotions are able to flow freely and be released from your body.  In other words, you drop into healing/weight loss/love mode.  Your body is able to heal itself, your metabolism is able to function properly, and you are able to connect to your inner intuitive genius, which helps with every part of your life.

This is why allowing the pain, the extra weight, the body part you don’t like, or whatever it is you’re resisting right now is the most powerful skill you can learn.  Allowing doesn’t mean thinking that this thing you don’t want will be here forever.  It means dropping the fight and allowing it to be here right now.  Ready for the mind-bender?  As soon as you allow, you actually facilitate change.  When you resist, you create a pattern that repeats itself, meaning you’ll end up continuing to experience pain, overweight, etc.

By now, you’re probably wondering how to allow, seeing as it’s such a powerful skill.  Allowing is something that takes a little practice, because it’s not something you can do in three easy steps.  It’s more of a feeling, a visceral sense, and a dropping into a place you didn’t know you knew existed within yourself.  You’ll get it, I promise.  It just may take a few tries.

Here’s how I do it.  I ask myself the question, “Can I allow this right now?”  Then I say to myself, “I’d like to drop the fight.”  Then, I do nothing for a few moments and just wait.  There’s a feeling of release and relief in my mind, emotions, and body when the allowing kicks in, so I simply wait for that.  Sometimes it takes a few days.  Sometimes it only takes a few minutes.

Remember that you have NOTHING to lose.  In this moment, if you are in pain, you are already in pain.  Fighting it is utterly useless.  Why not just allow it?  If you are overweight in this moment, you are overweight.  There’s no changing it this instant.  So why not allow it?  Why not allow yourself to have those thighs, that butt, that job, or whatever else it might be?  Stop fighting and you’ll find the secret to releasing stress. You’ll find that it allows love to sneak back into your life.  You have everything to gain by playing with this powerful healing skill.

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Posted in Chronic Pain, Interstitial Cystitis, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Mind Body Healing, Stress Relief, Vulvodynia, Weight Loss | 4 Comments »

Body Language

Thursday, January 27th, 2011

Body LanguageI’ve written before about pain as a vital messenger, letting us know what needs to be addressed in our mind-body system.  Symptoms and pain certainly wake us up to the need to take an internal peek at ourselves, mentally, emotionally, and also physically.  I’ve written a lot about the mental and emotional aspect of healing, but it’s important not to forget the physical aspect, too.

Though, to be clear, I’m not talking about “curing” whatever ails you through physical means only.  Not at all!  I’m talking about a well-rounded approach to wellness that takes into account every aspect of who you are.

I’ve just started another round of Mind-Body Coach Training, so I’m teaching a new group of coaches how to use mind-body tools with clients.  In their very first class, I told them what we are trying to help our clients do is return to their bodies.  That’s the basic definition, in my opinion, of “mind-body connection” – being aware and conscious of what is going on in one’s body.

I spent years not paying attention to my body’s signals.  I ignored discomfort, pushed through exhaustion, didn’t eat when I was hungry, over-ate when I wasn’t hungry, stayed awake when I was tired, didn’t rest, over-exercised, and never checked in with my body at all.  I had no idea I was holding pelvic floor tension or abdominal tension or lower back tension until screaming pain woke me up to what was happening in my body.

I was what we call dissociated from my body.  I had learned how to take my conscious awareness away from my body the minute stress arose, as a quick escape.  Unconsciously, I overused this dissociation technique.  It’s a healthy technique that serves us well in moments of severe stress or trauma, but it’s not a healthy daily practice.

Your body needs your conscious awareness like a plant needs water.  Without it, it begins to wither.  Your body is constantly giving you important feedback about yourself.  It’s saying, “I’m hungry, tired, thirsty, sleepy, worn out, exhausted, energized, over-caffeinated, under-fed, over-fed…etc.”  It’s also telling you more subtle things, like, “You’re holding onto emotional energy here in this hamstring…”  It’s even telling you what to do with your life.  “Hey, you up there.  I’d love to change careers!”  Those are just examples, but they represent different types of information your body is trying to share with you, all day, every day.  Important information that will help you live a healthy, enjoyable life.

All you have to do is listen.

There’s only one catch.  To listen, you’re going to have to spend most of your time mentally aware of your body.  And when you do that, you might discover some discomfort.  Maybe there’s a tight muscle.  Some nausea.  Emotional discomfort.  Welcome home!  That’s what our bodies are holding onto while we’re up in our minds, busily planning, organizing, worrying, analyzing, and generally ignoring our poor bodies.

Discomfort is not a bad thing.  Yes, I realize it is uncomfortable.  But, if you set your hand on a hot stove, would you rather be notified, so you can remove it, or suffer permanent skin damage?  Most of us would like to know that we need to move our hand!  Pain is just a messenger, telling us that something needs attention.  So is tension.  So is emotional discomfort.

Discomfort is a messenger, and if you embrace it, you will no longer need the loud shouts of pain to get your attention.  It may take some time to develop (or re-develop) the skill of listening to what your body has to say and interpreting it/translating it into everyday life action/nonaction, but it is time well spent.

Here’s how you can get started:

Get a watch with a timer, use a phone app, or purchase a Motivaider.

Set your device to alert you once an hour, 3 times a day, or whatever frequency you choose.

Every time it alerts you, stop what you’re doing for a second.  Take a breath.  Notice your body.  See if you can feel your feet, the palms of your hands, your belly button.  Look at your nose.  (Not in a mirror – look at the tip of it.  This is a quick way to become aware of your body.)  Do a quick body scan and see if there is tension anywhere, or any other discomfort.  Move your body a little bit.  If you feel pain, just notice that it’s there, but notice the rest of your body, too.

After several weeks of this, you’ll start to intuit what your body wants, needs, or is telling you throughout the day.  You don’t have to actively try to change anything, like try to get rid of pain or tension.  By just becoming aware of what’s going on in your body, you’ll develop the ability to hear what it’s saying, over time.   You are cultivating a whole new relationship with your body, so that you can stop warring.  No more arguing with it over weight loss, pain relief, or other such issues.  Instead, the two of you will be communicating as mother nature intended – regularly and amicably.

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Posted in Interstitial Cystitis, Mind Body Connection, Mind Body Healing, Vulvodynia, Weight Loss | 8 Comments »

The Belly Project

Thursday, January 20th, 2011
Your Breathing Role-Model

Your Breathing Role-Model

Okay, ladies.  It’s time to stop sucking in your stomach.

Take a quick survey.  Are you sucking it in right now?

If so, here’s the big question:  WHY?  (Really, is anyone looking at your stomach in this very moment?)

A few weeks ago, I realized I had inadvertently engaged in this unhelpful habit yet again.  I was walking around, breathless, holding my lower abdominal muscles inward throughout the day.  Ack!  This is a habit I spent a good year breaking, so I was annoyed to find it had returned.

It’s also a habit many women share.  The flat stomach myth is greatly perpetuated in our culture, so it’s no wonder that many fitness and fashion gurus actually advise sucking the stomach in throughout the day.  Unfortunately, this habit creates havoc in the pelvic floor region and in our normal breathing patterns.  Whether you’re wanting to find pain relief from vulvodynia, interstitial cystitis, or irritable bowel syndrome, hoping to lose weight, or just trying to feel more content and peaceful, this is a habit that’s gotta go.

My answer to the big question above is quite simple.  I want my stomach to look flat, and I have the misconception that it is supposed to be flat.  I have bought the party line, in other words.

As you ponder changing this habit, I imagine you’ll find many different thoughts, fears, and self-judgments.  Perfect!  These are all aiding and abetting you in perpetuating this unhelpful habit.  This is a perfect place to practice your thought-work skills.  None of these things you are thinking about yourself are true, and it’s high time we stopped believing in the stomach myth.

First of all, stomachs are not really designed to be flat. Even in very fit people, there is a lovely rounded low-belly area.  In people who practice low-belly breathing regularly, this rounded low belly has a muscular look to it.  This is because these people have strong breathing muscles and are fully oxygenating their body with every breath.  NOTHING decreases pain, tension, and panic faster than deep, low-belly breathing.

I hope you see the irony here.  The people with the pooch are actually healthier and happier!  You don’t have to stick your belly out, but you do have to befriend your belly enough to enjoy a relaxed, loose lower abdomen.  (And models posing for photo shoots are sucking in, for sure.  Don’t let that be your beautiful belly guide!)

Second of all, sucking in your stomach means you are creating tension in the lower abdomen. Tension is not a bad thing, unless it is present all the time.  There are times when you need to tense the lower abdominal muscles, but doing so every minute of the day simply fatigues these muscles and creates imbalances.  If you aren’t letting the breath flow in and out of the lower abdomen, you are missing out on the most useful element of your own breathing patterns.  The deep, low-belly breath is the most efficient breath.  (Ever watched a baby breathe?)  It oxygenates your body quickly, calms your nervous system, and aids digestion.  It helps your mind stop circling in worry or panic mode.  And it energizes your whole body.  All of these elements of the low-belly breath help you reduce pain and connect with yourself and your emotions.  Which means less overeating, more relaxation, and a calmer mind.

When I told my husband I was unlearning my belly-holding habit, he looked confused.  “You hold in your stomach ALL THE TIME?”  He asked.  He was astonished.  Holding in his stomach had never occurred to him, ever.  Seriously.

Holding in one’s belly, in the name of beauty, health, or some other reason, just isn’t worth it.  This is one cultural ideal to toss out so you can embrace true beauty, which comes from your oxygenated, energized self.

In Qigong, the lower abdomen is called the Dan Tien, or Tan Tien, the “field of the elixir of life.”   A flat belly is considered a bad sign and signals sexual repression/dysfunction and weak life force energy.   Holding this area in is said to make the muscles pull up and tight, which is reflected in our emotional lives and makes us mentally and emotionally uptight.  Yikes!

I’m going with lots of energy in the field of the elixir of life, personally.  I choose breath and energy.  I choose to love my rounded lower belly.  I choose to allow myself to relax and release the muscles.  I’m done being uptight.  I’m ready to choose my own belly ideal, and it has nothing to do with flatness.

If you’re ready, too, let’s join forces and free our bellies!  No more holding ourselves hostage to ridiculous, external ideals.

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Posted in Chronic Pain, Interstitial Cystitis, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Mind Body Healing, Vulvodynia, Weight Loss | 19 Comments »

Stop the Hard Work

Thursday, January 13th, 2011

Stop the Hard WorkIt’s a new year, and many people have geared up to make life changes.  Most of these changes require some kind of effort or hard work, and there’s a focused, determined feel to these life change plans.   It’s just how we do things, for some reason.  White-knuckled willpower, elbow grease, no pain no gain.

So it makes sense that when you decide to heal yourself using mind-body tools, you apply the same approach.  I sure did.  I gave myself rules.  I created unrealistic structure.  I worked hard.

The paradox here is that working hard on mind-body tools doesn’t work. Why not?  Because mind-body tools are all about listening to your body’s wisdom, calming your nervous system, and unraveling tension in your mind and body.  Naturally, it’s difficult to do those things if you are creating more tension with a “work hard” attitude.

It’s one of the most trusted and cherished beliefs in our culture – hard work will get you where you want to go.  It’s oddly reassuring.  Which is why many people get confused or stuck in mental circles when they start working hard, efforting, and trying with mind-body healing.  It’s kind of scary to let go of that old favorite, the hard work mindset.  It means relying on something else – something that feels an awful lot like not controlling the situation.  Eeeek!

The good news is that if you can learn how to release hard work, effort, and trying with the mind-body tools, you will have learned a new skill that extrapolates into the rest of your life. You’ll discover that you can actually work easy, drop effort, and stop trying.  When you do that in other areas of your life besides just healing, you’ll hold the secret to health in your hands.  Your body will be perpetually delighted.

Are you scratching your head right now, asking yourself, “Is she saying what I think she’s saying?”  Yes!  I am saying that all the things you want, be they health, wealth, fitness, relationships, etc., will come to you more easily if you stop working hard, efforting, and trying.

Before you dismiss this crazy notion, use the old scientific process and evaluate it in your own life.  Keep a little observation journal for a month and actually track your efforting/non-efforting and the results you get.  I have a feeling you’ll be amazed.

However, shifting away from efforting can be one of the trickiest things you’ve ever done.  I’ve been learning how to stop efforting for years, and each time I get a little clearer about it, I find a new level of relaxation in my body, mind, and spirit.  And – stuff happens without me trying at all.  It’s truly amazing!  But the old habit can creep back in at a moment’s notice, so I have to be aware of my body.  It tells me immediately with tension and discomfort any time I slip into hard work, effort, or trying.

How exactly does one stop hard work or effort or trying? Well, not by trying!  (Yes, it is a mind-bender!)  Here’s the easiest method:

Abigail’s Non-Effort Recipe

Set aside ten minutes in your daily schedule.  Get in a comfortable position, with whatever setting you enjoy.  I personally love a cozy blanket, soothing music, and an eye pillow.  Sometimes I also use aromatherapy.  The point is to feel deliciously comfy and cozy.  Focus your attention on your low belly, and invite your breath to fill this area of your body.  Don’t pooch out your stomach and force the air there – just allow it to flow in and out.  If it doesn’t go into your low belly, don’t worry.  Just breathe.  You can spend the entire time paying relaxed attention to the breath, or you can also lightly scan your body and notice how it feels.  No effort.  No goal.  Nothing.  If your mind starts to head off into worry, just notice that it’s doing so.  Notice your breath and body again.  Don’t try to change anything.  Literally do nothing.

Though this is the easiest method, you may find yourself slipping a little of the old hard work, efforting, and trying into it.  Any time you notice stress around your non-efforting practice, you can be sure one of those three elements is present.  This exercise does not have to be done right, perfectly, or with any sort of elbow grease.  It’s simply about practicing non-effort.

After doing this for several days, you will begin to notice changes.  You’ll most likely notice a bit of relaxation in your body.  You’ll probably find your mind seems less worried.  You’ll notice cravings for less-than-helpful habits dissipating.

Eventually, you might want to keep a notebook handy for post-un-efforting.  Why?  Because you’ll probably discover that your mind has solved problems, created things, and otherwise effortlessly organized parts of your life that needed attention.  This is where non-efforting begins to truly show its power.

For example, I have a weekly schedule in which I write blog posts on Tuesdays and publish them on Thursdays.  If I have been non-efforting, when I sit down to write on Tuesdays, it is possibly the easiest thing I’ve ever done.  This is because the blog post has already been written during my non-efforting minutes in days prior, and I have already jotted down the outline on a post-it.  Because I have given it no effort and no thought, have not worried for one minute, and am quite sure it will be fine, when I sit down to write, everything that came to me during my non-efforting session reappears in my mind.  In about fifteen minutes, my fingers have typed the post, effortlessly.

I love this so much that I am applying it everywhere.  If I haven’t yet had a creative idea for a project through a non-efforting session, I don’t force the issue.  Instead, I do some non-efforting.  (There are definitely times where the old work hard habit sneaks in, and every time, I end up with physical tension, less satisfaction in my work, and irritability.)  I’m not trying to be perfect in my not trying, but I am enjoying applying this concept to different areas of my life.  The difference between this and the old force-it method is truly astonishing.

Whether you are wanting to heal your body through mind-body techniques, lose weight, create more ease in your work life, I’m telling you…you’ve gotta try not-trying.  Or maybe I should say, not-try not-trying.

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Posted in Interstitial Cystitis, Mind Body Connection, Mind Body Healing, Stress Relief, Vulvodynia, Weight Loss | 5 Comments »

Attracting Great Health

Thursday, March 18th, 2010
Attract the Health You Want!

Attract the Health You Want!

You might have heard of the Law of Attraction, what with its popularity in the media in the last several years.  You may have even investigated using the Law of Attraction to create health.  I’d like to tackle this topic today, because the truth is that there’s a lot of misinformation about the Law of Attraction out there, and it really can be another helpful concept in creating fantastic health.

Here’s the first big secret about LOA:  Everything that I do with mind-body healing is in perfect alignment with LOA concepts.  That’s because you can’t really improve your mind-body connection without improving your ability to attract what you want.  Good news!

Most people get very confused about emotions when trying to apply the LOA concepts to their lives.  They start thinking that you have to feel great all the time, or you’re attracting something negative.

Not true.

It’s about feeling everything, completely.  That allows you to release held emotions and be clear much more quickly.  Suppress an emotion and you’ll find your attraction powers sloooooowing dooooown….and eventually you might decide that this LOA thing just doesn’t work.

Oh, but it does!

All the time.  It’s not as crazy as it sounds or as wild as you might think.  Science is proving it in many different laboratories right now, and eventually, it will be just a commonplace, everyday part of our knowledge.  Kids will have LOA classes in kindergarten.

Before you decide I’ve lost my mind, consider this fact:  I have attracted the health that I wanted, using my own fun mix of mind-body tools.  I have also used and studied the LOA concepts, which I learned when I first discovered the concept of mind-body healing.  I’m here to tell you that understanding the Law of Attraction can help you on your healing journey, if you feel like delving into it.  If not – there’s nothing to worry about, as the mind-body tools themselves will do the job.  I just thought I’d share in case you find LOA interesting and helpful.

Want a great LOA resource?  Here’s a fantastic and extremely helpful blog post (about emotions, actually) from my favorite LOA expert, Jeannette Maw.  Click Here to Read.

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Posted in Business Success, Interstitial Cystitis, Vulvodynia, Weight Loss | No Comments »

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