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What’s Your Big Dream?

Thursday, January 12th, 2012

I woke up on New Year’s day and immediately thought, “This is the year of big dreams.” The thought came out of the blue and had a soul feel to it. I can feel the truth and energy behind it – BIG dreams.

I count myself lucky to be in the business of helping people make their dreams come true, and I think this year is going to be the most rewarding yet. I have a feeling that lots and lots of people are going to see their dreams come true. Clients, students, colleagues, family members – it’s going to be big! I’m telling you!

So, why not get started today?

First, what ARE your big dreams?

Can you list them immediately? Do they roll right off your tongue? If not, it’s time to get cracking on your list. The first step in making big dreams come true is knowing what your dreams are. Then we can move on to making them reality.

Take a moment here to write down three big dreams. Big is a relative term, so don’t judge yourself. Whatever feels big to you is perfect. (Share them in the comments section below!)

Take a look at your list. Could you get more specific? Bigger? Let your imagination go WILD in this moment. No pressure – you don’t have to write the novel right this minute, train for your triathlon today, or build your coaching practice overnight. Right now, you’re just imagining what could be. Then, turn it up a notch. Don’t settle.

I help a lot of people with their body dreams. Many people want health, weight loss, more energy, or better sleep. Whenever we coach together around their body dreams, clients always discover more, bigger, better dreams lurking in the corners, hiding behind desires for physical well-being. Of course it’s fabulous to dream of great health. Then, go bigger. What else? Don’t just settle for good. Go for great.

I used to dream of health. But lurking behind my dream was a much bigger one. I wanted to be a life coach. I’d read Martha Beck’s books for years. I loved what she did. I wanted to do the same. Every now and then, I’d let that dream peek its nose out before hurriedly hiding it away. It seemed preposterous.

I believe that part of the health struggle many of us face is inextricably linked to big dreams. Smooshing them down just doesn’t work. Our bodies sag and drag as a result, longing to be let loose to live the lives we’re meant to live

When I got my dream of health, I found I couldn’t sweep anything under the rug and still stay healthy. I had to open that closet where I’d stored my life coaching dream. I had to pull it out, look at it, and try it on for size. Then, I had to make it happen.

I’ve gotten used to living this way. For me, every year is about making big dreams happen. I know that I can’t settle. I have to stand on my tiptoes and reach up, as high as I can, for that really cool dream on the top shelf. The best dreams seem too high, just out of reach, and a little precarious. If that’s how you feel when you think of you’re dream – you’re onto it!

Stretch yourself. Reach a little higher. Have fun! That’s what big dreams and life are all about. A lot of my big dreams came true last year, so I’m stepping it up this year. Higher. Bigger. Better. It’s about expanding to new realms, exploring the places your soul wants to go. Because that’s who’s leading this dream team – your soul. Trust it. Dare to take the steps, little or big, that it’s telling you to take. There’s no reason to wait. This is the year.

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Posted in Interstitial Cystitis, Mind Body Healing, Vulvodynia | 5 Comments »

Tossing the New Year’s Resolutions

Thursday, December 22nd, 2011

We’re coming to the close of another year and heading into that familiar tradition of taking stock and making New Year’s resolutions. I, for one, will not be partaking of this tradition.

As you’ve noticed, I’ve been writing about self-kindness recently, and not applying force or pressure to create change in one’s life. My main focus in my daily life is to move ever closer to making all decisions based on intuition rather than intellect. I think my intellect is a fabulous partner to my intuition, but when left to run the show, all hell breaks loose. My intuition, or inner wisdom, however, never steers me wrong.

So, instead of resolving to change something or do something better (ick!), I have started my own tradition. To me, resolutions feel cerebral and somewhat forceful. Instead, I like to ask New Year’s questions. This new tradition of asking questions has served me well in the last couple of years, so I plan to continue it each year.

Here’s how it works:

Grab a notebook and a pen. Take a moment to tune in to your body. Notice your feet, notice your breath, and just be with your body for a moment. Then, ask it what it would like this year.

Your body’s answer might be one word or it might be detailed instructions for a variety of activities. Maybe it wants you to rest in certain ways or play in certain ways. Maybe it has ideas for your business. Who knows! Just listen up and jot it down. Don’t judge whatever pops into your head. Even if it doesn’t make sense now, it will probably come clear later.

Next, take a moment to imagine your soul. Maybe you see it entering the room to be with you right now. Maybe it’s already in your body. Imagine it in whatever way feels right to you. Then, ask it what you need to know to make this year as fabulous as possible.

Again, just write whatever flows into your mind. You know you’re getting inner critic if you start hearing critical, judgmental, or pressure-filled statements. If that happens, thank your critic for sharing and re-focus on your soul.

Once you’ve asked the questions and heard the answers, do with them what you want. There are no rules here. This is just about you listening. You might wait three months to take action on something, or maybe you never do. There is no pressure in this process.

Last week I sat down and reviewed last year’s soul wisdom for me. My soul said, “This will be a year of transformation. You will change, your life will change, and everything will be bigger and better than you can imagine.”

Well, it was right. I’m looking forward to asking my questions again this New Year’s Eve. I can’t wait to hear the wisdom my body and soul have to share. And speaking of sharing – if you do this exercise and want to share your answers, please post a comment below! Let’s enjoy a pressure-free, kindness-based practice together! I’m taking a holiday break, so this post will stay up through the New Year. Thanks in advance for joining me in this new tradition!

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Posted in Mind Body Healing | 4 Comments »

Practice Being Kind – To You

Thursday, December 15th, 2011

I love meLast week, I wrote about taking the first steps toward self-kindness. It can definitely be a learning curve to practice self-kindness, so this week I’d like to talk about step two: actively creating self-kindness in your mind.

Once you start recognizing when you are beating yourself up or judging yourself, you have opened the window to do something different with your mind. It might feel like you’ve just cracked the window, but I promise, you’re letting in some fresh air!

At first, you might notice that it takes you several days or even weeks to catch on to self-judgment. The more you practice noticing, the easier it gets. Eventually, you’ll see your mind start to turn down the self-judgment path and you’ll swiftly choose a different route.

Here’s an example. In the past, stepping on the scale used to be a catalyst for self-judgment for me. Whether it was up or down a few pounds hardly mattered. If I’d gained a pound, my mind spewed out terrible comments on my ability to control my eating and how terrible I looked. If I’d lost a pound, my mind would immediately jump to, “Well, this certainly won’t last.”

After practicing and working on self-kindness very specifically for the last couple of years or so, I’m able to choose something much nicer – before my mind even starts down those other roads. And the miraculous thing? I actually believe the kind words. That is the result of a lot of repetition. You might not believe your kind words to yourself at first, even if you’re saying them. And that’s okay! The more you practice, the easier it gets.

A couple weeks ago, I stepped on the scale to find a couple-pound increase. Instead of the old self-criticism, my mind went to this: “Hmmm. That’s interesting. I wonder why I’ve been overeating?” This curiosity led me to discover that I’d been avoiding some sadness and anger in the grief process and trying to suddenly be “done” grieving. What great information!

This was all a result of me asking that question from last week’s post: What is the kindest thing I could say to myself right now?

In the past, I would have applied force. I would have said, “Now you MUST stop overeating and exercise MORE this week.”

Just when you think you need force – you need more kindness. More force will only make it harder to know why whatever is happening is happening, and you’ll just want to rebel against it, anyway. The key is to shift that habit. As you feel yourself amping up into self-flagellation, see if you can downshift into kindness. Feel the difference in your body when you do that. Notice how much tension force and self-criticism create, versus the relaxation and relief of kindness.

If you’re ready to practice more self-kindness, you might enjoy the following exercise. I call it the I’m Awesome list. If that sounds egotistical, don’t worry. It’s not. I’ve found that with habitual self-criticizers, it’s pretty much impossible to create arrogance. The pendulum is swung so far to the self-criticism side that it would take some serious effort to get it all the way over to arrogant jerk.  In fact, by actually embracing your awesomeness, you’re less likely to be myopically focused on your own shortcomings. Therefore, you end up being more present with other people. You’ll actually be less self-focused and more loving and compassionate toward others.

Here’s how you do it:

Get a notebook or huge peace of paper. At the top, write: The I’m Awesome List. Each day, add 1-3 specific reasons you are awesome. They can be seemingly small or incredibly huge. Whatever works for you goes on the list. If you need a little help getting started, enlist a friend. You’ll start her list, and she’ll start yours. Once you’re rolling, you’ll find it’s easier and easier to think of reasons you are awesome. (If you find this incredibly difficult, you can start with an “I’m Sort of Okay” list and work your way up to the I’m Awesome List.)

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Posted in Mind Body Healing, Stress Relief | 4 Comments »

Learn to Be Kind – To You

Thursday, December 8th, 2011

Be kind to YourselfWhen I first realized I was putting immense and constant pressure on myself, and that the pressure was causing my body to revolt, it was like putting on glasses for the first time. I could see clearly how much I was beating myself up, trying to be perfect, judging myself, and otherwise rejecting who I really am. No wonder my muscles were tense, my body hurt, and I felt terrible about myself.

The next step was to somehow learn to be kinder to myself. This was a tricky thing, seeing as I could easily beat myself up for not being good at being kind to myself. You see the catch-22 here. Being in my mind was a little like being in an M.C. Escher painting. Just when I thought I was catching on, I’d realize I had somehow slipped back into self-judgment.

Last year, I gave my dad an M.C. Escher puzzle for Christmas. (Yeah, it’s a doozy!) When I saw it in the store, it made me laugh. It’s the perfect way to approach the mind-game of learning to be kind to yourself – see it as a giant puzzle. How can I slide out of self-pressure or self-flagellation in this moment and ease my way into self-kindness? What is the trick that will work in this moment? How can I extricate myself from this unkindness without causing more of it?

If you’ve ever studied martial arts or learned about the basic concepts behind them, you know that when force meets force, not much happens. If I force myself to stop being so forceful, I just get force-squared. Resistance increases. Everything gets harder. The power of love lies in its gentleness. Take away the resistance and you get freedom.

Stop trying to force yourself to change or be “better,” and you make way for change to evolve on its own.

I had to stop trying to be kind to myself and start applying gentleness and love. What does that look like? It means that in the moment when I am beating myself up over something, instead of adding another layer of beating myself up (for being such a jerk to myself), I recognize the futility of doing so. Instead, I say, “Wow, I notice I’m really beating myself up here.” Then, I allow myself to be exactly as I am in that moment.

The ultimate kindness is to say, “It’s okay to be exactly as I am right now.” Whatever you’re doing, whatever you’re feeling, whatever results you’re getting – none of it matters. Remember, you won’t create change with force. You’ll create change with love. And unconditional love for yourself means loving yourself where you are right now. And THAT means being kind to yourself about where you are right now.

If you’re overeating right now, it’s okay.

If you’re struggling in your business right now, it’s okay.

If you’re not achieving top quality in your efforts right now, it’s okay.

If you’re beating yourself up right now, it’s okay.

If you’re ignoring your body’s wisdom right now, it’s okay.

If you’re behind in your to-do’s right now, it’s okay.

Whatever it is, it’s okay.

Your mind might say, “Aaagh! Oh no! If I say it’s okay, I’ll turn into a blimp/never accomplish anything/never get my list done/never be pain free…etc.” I’m here to gently, kindly, remind your mind that’s not true. In fact, it’s the ONLY way that you’ll lose weight, become pain free, or accomplish what you want. Self-kindness is THE ticket. The wonderful thing is, you can be kind to yourself even when you’re not being kind to yourself. You can say, “Wow, I’m really beating myself up over eating that chocolate cake. And that’s okay.”

That’s the first step to truly being kind to you. It’s what makes the next step possible. The next step is actually saying something kind to yourself. For example:

“Of course I overate this week. It’s one of my coping skills, and I’m bound to return to it sometimes even though I know lots of great new coping skills.”

“It’s natural that I don’t feel like doing anything this week. I’ve been pushing myself pretty hard lately, and I probably need some rest.”

“Sometimes I ignore my body’s wisdom and struggle with trusting it. That’s all a part of the learning process when it comes to creating a new mind-body relationship. It doesn’t mean I’m a failure – it just means I’m learning.”

It may take some practice to learn how to say kind things to yourself. If you’re like me, you’ve had years of practice saying not-so-nice things to yourself. But the good news is, with practice, you will learn how to do it. You’ll find that the more you practice, the more unbidden kind thoughts appear in your mind. You become gentler with yourself, more compassionate, and more loving. And whatever it is you want to do in the world, I guarantee that being kind to yourself will make it easier and make you more effective.

Want to start practicing now? It’s simple. Three times today, stop and ask yourself these questions:

What is the kindest thing I could say to myself right now?

What is the kindest thing I could do for myself right now?

Repeat that process for a couple weeks and you’ll see that it becomes easier and easier to think of kind words and acts, toward you.

Today just so happens to be my birthday. My gift to me is threefold. 1) Saying kind things to myself today. 2) Doing things that feel kind and enjoyable today. 3) Sharing with you about self-kindness. I know that the kinder you are to you, the more you’ll spread love and kindness in the world. And that’s a gift for all of us.

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Posted in Mind Body Healing, Stress Relief | 9 Comments »

Want to Heal? Be a Hot Mess.

Thursday, December 1st, 2011

Grief BlanketRight now, I have a group of coaches taking my Mind-Body Coach Training. They’ve been thrown into what I call The Mess as they experience the first part of the training. This just means that they are learning how to feel emotions, what to do with body tension and pain, and discovering that their minds have the ability to create a lot of extraneous stress.

I’m impressed with them, because they are definitely mind-body troopers. They are sticking with the process, digging in to The Mess, and willingly learning about themselves so that they can guide future clients through The Mess with aplomb.

They’ve been practicing taking self-pressure off and actually letting their bodies lead the way. There have been many aha’s as they start to see where they’ve been judging themselves, beating themselves up, and pushing against what their bodies were telling them.

This is probably the most important survival technique for The Mess. The Mess is messy – there’s no doubt about it. If you’ve stored emotions in your body for any length of time, or if you’ve denied deep inner truths, the self-awareness process toward joy and health simply has to start with a big ol’ Mess. Most people go through The Mess as they begin the mind-body healing process, regardless of their goal. Whether they want pain relief, weight loss, more confidence, or simply a kinder relationship with themselves, it all starts with The Mess. (Interestingly, when I started investigating my bladder syndrome, interstitial cystitis, I found that it was commonly linked with a fear of letting go. When I finally allowed myself to let go and enter The Mess, normal bladder function returned.)

Then, as life goes on, most people experience versions of The Mess every time they start to make a new shift, personal growth curve, or delve into another inner-truth awakening. It’s like a spiral – every time you go through The Mess, you come out on a new level, but you continue to spiral around, up and through another Mess every time you’re ready for a new you to be born.

Here’s the good news: it gets easier. Once you know about The Mess, you can approach it with self-kindness. The Mess is not the time to force yourself or push yourself or achieve any major award-winning accomplishments. It’s a time to cocoon, to go inward, and to create a safe space in your home where you can actually let yourself be a mess.

I’m writing this post because I got an email from one of the trainees. She was describing how she feels terribly vulnerable, cries a lot, and is beating herself up about it. She doesn’t want anyone else to know just how messy her Mess is. She is afraid she is alone, afraid of what others will think, and not sure what to do. I get emails like this from clients who are going through The Mess, too.

Everyone thinks that they are alone and lost when they enter The Mess. They think they’re the only one who can’t get out of bed some mornings, weeps on a moment’s notice, and has no confidence anymore. Everyone thinks they’ll never make it through the emotions, the confusion, and the sense of not knowing who they are right now.

Yet – everyone DOES make it through. They become more aligned with inner truth. They create health in their bodies. They learn how to feel so that they no longer stuff emotions in their bodies. They come alive with new confidence and sense of purpose. It’s always a beautiful transformation.

The key to The Mess is being kind. Allowing yourself to be a mess. Allowing yourself to be in this place where things feel unstable, new, uncertain, and different. Heck, there’s even slang for it these days. Check out this quote from the Urban Dictionary:

Hot Mess: When one’s thoughts or appearance are in a state of disarray but they maintain an undeniable attractiveness or beauty.

There is, indeed, a surprising beauty to accepting The Mess, because it makes you authentic. A coach friend of mine was laughing about The Mess the other day. She said, “Yeah, you have to be willing to feel, or the universe will give you a smack-down. You have to go through The Mess, where it feels like your ass is being handed to you on a regular basis.”

That pretty much sums it up.

I went through my own Mess this year, too, so trust me, I get it. I just have the advantage of knowing now, that if I surrender to the Mess, I’ll move through it more quickly. I resist it much less, and I use my mind-body tools to help me through it. I practice self-kindness.

Speaking of tools, here’s one of my secrets you might find useful for The Mess. I call it the Grief Blanket. Often, The Mess involves bringing up old grief, or even new grief. There is usually a lot of crying and a deep need to hide in a cave. I say, embrace that. It’s a great way to take care of yourself.

Here’s how:

Get a blanket that feels especially soothing and comforting. Make sure it’s large. Wrap your whole body in the blanket, and then curl up in a fetal position on a bed or the floor. (You might want some Kleenex, too.) Put the blanket over your head so that you’re now fully cocooned. Cry. Moan. Say what’s on your mind. (You might prefer to do this exercise in privacy, though I have had clients do it while on the phone with me. If someone is there, make sure they are a trusted loved one around whom you feel incredibly safe.) Give yourself this time to retreat into your cocoon and remind yourself that in there, in this moment, you are safe. Allow yourself to be a mess inside your cocoon. Let it all out. Just be. Stay in there until you truly feel ready to emerge. Return the next time you need to feel safe and let yourself be a mess.

This practice has magical qualities. There is something relaxing about letting yourself retreat, no longer trying to “hold it together” or “be okay.” Creating safety and a place to melt down allows you to move through The Mess and truly align with yourself again. It allows your body and soul to feel loved. It lets your mind know that everything is okay, even when it’s messy.

My grief blanket got a workout this year. It got me through the roughest days after my miscarriage. It helped me stay sane and available to those around me, because I was able to retreat and then return, repeatedly. I was able to get normal stuff done because I took the time to go be a giant mess under my Grief Blanket.

So – the next time you think you’re alone, are sure no-one else has ever been such a mess, imagine me huddled under my blanket, weeping and melting down. Know that you’re in good company. We all experience The Mess and we are all Hot Messes, at some point. Know that you’re not alone, and that if you can just allow yourself to be the mess you are right now, you’re actually doing really well. You’re being kind. You’re allowing yourself to grieve and feel. You’re healing.

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Posted in Emotions, Grief, Interstitial Cystitis, Mind Body Healing | 8 Comments »

The Full-Tilt

Thursday, November 17th, 2011

Several weeks ago, I wrote a blog post about the In-Between. I was feeling strange because everywhere I looked, my life seemed to be in transition. It felt like that moment between an inhale and exhale, when everything is suspended, and nothing is happening. It seemed to be lasting forever to my “go, go, go” personality. I love creating and doing stuff, and I’ve had to learn how to trust the times when I’m not.

I wrestled with the In-Between, but finally sank into it and just let it happen. Then, just like that, it was over. Suddenly, the house renovation started moving forward again. The website concepts started coming together. I started knowing exactly what I wanted my living room to look like. I knew just how I wanted to put together new materials for my clients.

I went from inertia to motion in what seemed like moments. I kind of miss the In-Between. After all, I had just befriended it!

Somehow, suddenly, things are moving fast. This past week, I was out of town giving a workshop with fellow coach Koelle Simpson and then leading the Martha Beck Meet and Greet in my role as Life Coach Training Coordinator.  I coached up a storm, presented, taught, and generally had a blast professionally in a whirlwind nine-day trip.

Meanwhile, at home, boxes with lamps and decorative pillows and other décor poured in the door. The contractor renovated the living room. While giving workshops, I kept getting texts from him including pictures of my house. I came home to piles of boxes, a fantastic new look throughout the house, and new shelves everywhere. The graphic designer for my website sent logo ideas to review. My assistant busily added meetings and updates to my calendar. Progress, at full-tilt.

The whiplash of moving from nothing to everything caught me by surprise. Last Wednesday, I got an intense muscle spasm in my lower back. Then, I woke up in the middle of the night to let the dog out, bonked my thigh on the new shelf in our bedroom, tripped over an unpacked suitcase, and stumbled into the bedroom door. Thursday morning I woke up and realized that it was a cosmic convergence in which I had somehow scheduled roughly 47 clients, a meeting, a dog grooming appointment (for which I had only allotted 15 minutes to drop the dog off and get home for said meeting), a tree service to remove large parts of our landscaping, and, of course, the re-grouting of my bathroom tile.

Though I had specifically told the tree crew that I work from home, they periodically rang the doorbell for a chat throughout the morning. This caused my dog to bark manically while I apologized to clients and tried to shoo the tree crew back to work. Then they would return to making chainsaw/Earth-ripping sounds outside my office window.

Mid-morning I grabbed my dog and his leash, talking soothingly to him about his grooming appointment as we headed for the door. The contractor poked his head curiously out of the bathroom, thinking I’d finally lost it and was talking to myself. Almost.

Luckily, one of my trained coaches was scheduled to call and coach me (a part of her Endorsement process). My back spasm was still screaming at me, so she deftly used the mind-body tools to extract its message. (Sometimes there is nothing like having help, even when you’re a coach and have a million coaching tools handy.)

Not surprisingly, my back was asking me to stop. It was asking me to slow down. It was reminding me that though I do love action and creating, there is no reason to do everything at once, at full speed. It asked me to put a little do-nothing time back into my schedule.

Truthfully, a little do-nothing time is the perfect prescription for me. I love the power of doing nothing and how it makes me more efficient and effective. I get better ideas, clearer directions, and have more fun when I make sure to do nothing often.

The In-Between is over. I’m now in the Full-Tilt. So here I go again, learning how to navigate this part of my life just like I learned how to navigate the In-Between. I’m remembering that discomfort always has a message for me, and knowing that this, too, is perfect.

I have a feeling that this Full-Tilt is teaching me how to manage my full plate without losing my mind or not listening to my body. It’s likely teaching me how to slow down and listen to my inner wisdom right when I think I should speed up and get more done. It’s probably teaching me how to insert doing nothing into the Full-Tilt so that this full-speed train doesn’t derail.

I’m being reminded, by the over-scheduled day and my back spasm, that I am the one creating my life. I can tap the brakes when necessary. I love living from this place of strength. It feels good to ask myself what I want and to honor that answer instead of shove it down or ignore it, as I used to do

Looking back over the week, I am laughing at myself, at the ridiculousness of the schedule, and I’m prioritizing some do-nothing time.  My Full-Tilt stamina will last much longer if I do intervals. Do nothing. Do a lot. Do nothing. Do a lot.

The funny thing is, the same question that helped me through the In-Between is now helping me with the Full-Tilt. It is, simply, this:

What do I need right now?

My answer? Right now, I need to do nothing.

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Posted in Martha Beck, Mind Body Healing, Stress Relief | 2 Comments »

Claim My Space

Thursday, November 10th, 2011

This post is a guest post by Healthy Life Endorsed Coach Gail Kenny. She can be reached for coaching and consults at gail@thehealthylifecoach.com.

“Claim my space,” is what my soul wisdom recently told me when I checked in.  So much of my life has been spent putting aside who I really am to make space for whom or what other people need me to be or do.  When I do that, part of me gets lost.  When I do that, I feel like I’m not good enough, there’s something wrong with me, I don’t deserve to have a life that validates me.  I might as well give up now because it’s too hard to shine the light of my soul.  Then I stuff my emotions, get depressed, and my body responds with pain.  When I stifle the feminine power of my soul the pain can show up in my pelvic area (chronic pelvic pain syndrome, vaginal pain, low back pain, side pain) and in tightness in my chest and throat.

When I check in with my soul and the path I have taken on my life’s journey, I keep coming back to this:  The pain is a spiritual journey calling me home to my soul so that I claim all of who I truly am through mind, body and emotions to be fully integrated, aligned with my feminine power, and present in each moment.

Wow.  How do I live up to that? How can I be brave enough to have just me be enough, to allow my light to shine through, to be fully loving and kind, first to myself and then to others?  Who am I to carry this message?  This has been my life lesson.

I live up to it by continually coming back to my wholeness every time I stray from it.  I live up to it by recognizing it in my spiritual teachers and feeling it within myself.  I have so many shining examples from powerful teachers in my life.  The best teachers are the ones who see me, really see me, as my whole and divine soul.  My lesson is to continue to see it in myself and to recognize and validate other women in the wholeness of themselves.  My lesson is to believe it and to live it.  My lesson is to stop hiding and taking the easy way out, to remember that the easy way, in reality, is stuck and miserable.

Several teachers have told me “Once you ‘wake up’ your soul won’t let you fall back to sleep.  You can’t go back to your old ways, because they no longer work.”  Life wants me to keep stretching out and shining my light brighter and clearer.  It wants me to push the edge, to fully step into all the colors of the beauty of my true self.  I do this by paying attention to what my soul is telling me through getting quiet and focusing within my body to access my emotions, the fractured bits of myself, my inner wisdom, my worth, my value.  I do it by moving my body and speaking my truth.  I do it by deliberately inhabiting my body, by taking charge of my life, by being a soul in a body rather than a body with a soul.

I practice and I practice and I practice and I keep opening and going deeper and learning my power, aligning with it, claiming it, burning through old emotional pain and protections, believing in myself.  I do it by looking in the mirror of the souls of my great teachers and seeing myself reflected there, seeing the beauty, the possibility of the greatness of what I truly and deeply can experience in this phenomenon called life.  I do this by feeling it in my body, feeling my body open, feeling my emotions release, by claiming my space.

I reflect my wholeness back to you.  From here I see your beauty, I see your power.  I see you.  Can you see it?  Can you see it reflected in my eyes, my voice, my heart?  Can you connect with and claim your own inner beauty?  Can you claim your space?  Come with me.  I’ll show you how.

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Posted in Chronic Pain, Emotions, Endorsed Coach, Guest Post, Mind Body Connection, Mind Body Healing | 3 Comments »

Putting Mind-Body Healing to the Test

Thursday, November 3rd, 2011

I think this blog post might be an ode to the mind-body healing process. I’ve been reflecting lately on how incredibly grateful I am to have learned what I’ve learned about my body, my emotions, and my inner wisdom. Ten years ago, I was in agony, suffering through each day, unable to live normally and in constant pain. Vulvodynia and interstitial cystitis ruled my life. I was overweight and at war with my body. I didn’t know myself. I was depressed.

During this time, I went through an emergency surgery for kidney stones. The stones started to pass (agonizing!) but got lodged outside my bladder. This created a kidney infection and was heading toward sepsis. In a morphine haze, I was rolled into the operating room.

When I woke up from the surgery, I was in even more agony than usual. At that point and time, I didn’t know my body at all. I didn’t understand that I held constant tension in my pelvic floor muscles, causing them to be weak and somewhat out of my control. I really had to pee, but try as I might, I couldn’t relax my muscles enough to go. It was a strange and terrifying experience to have the absolute inability to relax those muscles. After several hours, I begged the nurses to give me a catheter. They looked askance at me, but finally heeded my request. (Of course everything took forever, as things do in hospitals.)

When they at last inserted the catheter, they gave me horrified looks and immediately called the doctor. My bladder had been so full that I was again in danger of severe kidney issues. Luckily, we had caught it just in time, and the antibiotics kept infection at bay. I did have to undergo two more surgeries, however, because of the complications. In the end, it took me six months to regain the ability to completely empty my bladder (with the help of self-inserted catheters – gack).

Meanwhile, I still had interstitial cystitis and vulvodynia.

Had somebody told me at the time that I couldn’t relax my pelvic floor because I continually stored emotion there and was basically walking around in full Kegel contraction all the time, I would have thought them crazy. Yet, that was exactly what was happening. Once I finally understood that the pain in my body was a result of not feeling emotions and not understanding my mind-body connection, I was able to learn how to relax my pelvic floor muscles. Over time, I was able to let go of the tension and return to health. No vulvodynia, no interstitial cystitis. I’d have the occasional symptom, but I knew it just meant I’d fallen back into old habits and needed a refresh. Every time, it only took a few days to find relief again.

This March, when I miscarried, I was able to take my mind-body techniques and knowledge and apply it yet again. The actual miscarriage was very painful, and, of course, involved the pelvic region. I had some moments of fear that it would make all the old pain rush back. So I kept using the mind-body skills I’ve learned. Three days passed and my body was still having strong, painful contractions. My body told me I needed help. When I finally got to the doctor’s office (because don’t all things like this happen in the night, over the weekend?), I learned that I’d need a D&C to help my body finish the process.

As I was rolled into the operating room, I flashed back to the last time I’d been in one – the good old kidney experience. I remembered the horror, the confusion, and the agony. I breathed, reviewed my mind-body skills, and went under.

When I awoke, all was well. My bladder functioned fine. My muscles, despite all those days of contractions, were fine and able to relax. The vulvodynia and interstitial cystitis didn’t come roaring back. I remained confident in my self-healing abilities, handling the doubts, fears, and flashbacks from the past.

Though the miscarriage and the operation were difficult emotionally, and I was grieving, I still felt supremely grateful for my mind-body healing tools. They got put to the test in a big way. They worked. It was all a huge confirmation that my pelvic floor (which was formerly diagnosed with pelvic floor dysfunction) is doing just fine now, and I’m no longer at war with my body.

I know how to handle my emotions now. I know how to listen to my body. I know how to follow my inner wisdom. I’m healthy. My body can go through something physically traumatic and recover quickly. And I know that the mind-body tools (which I use all the time) are always there for me. It’s a good feeling. My life, right now, is so incredibly good that words don’t do it justice. I love myself. I love my body. My body and I work together through experiences like miscarriage and surgery, and hopefully, someday, childbirth. I feel like we’re really intimate friends who can talk about anything to each other.

It took me a while to process through all the emotions from this experience to be able to write about it. I had a lot of grief to go through, first. All the while, though, I was planning to eventually tell you this story, because it really illustrates the power of mind-body healing. I hope that it gives you hope, whether you’re wanting pain relief, weight loss, or just a better relationship with your body. In the end, developing mind-body skills will serve you well on all fronts. And thus ends my ode to mind-body healing, at least for now.

This post is dedicated to Kathleen Barratt, who taught me how to breathe.

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Posted in Interstitial Cystitis, Mind Body Healing, Vulvodynia | 10 Comments »

Scheduling your Emotions

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

Here’s what I’ve learned in the last six months: Grief has no schedule. And, it’s highly disorganized.

What a pain!

Wouldn’t it be nice to block out ten minutes on the calendar for “Have a Good Cry/Beat on a Few Pillows” and have emotions fit perfectly into your day? Many of my clients have remarked that they long for this. Me too.

Well, here’s how much luck I’ve had scheduling my emotions during the grieving process: 0%.

I’m kind of a grief newbie, because I’ve only been through it once before, when I was twelve. My aunt passed away, and I had no clue how to grieve. Being me, I just went ahead and stuffed all of that grief down and charged forward with my life.

No, that didn’t really work.

So, in the last seven months since my miscarriage, I’ve been learning how to grieve. This week, I find that it’s hard. Yesterday was the baby’s due date. I keep thinking about what it would have been like to be giving birth, to be experiencing that major life change, to be holding my child. It’s unimaginable. Somehow, even after seven months, my mind cannot believe it’s not happening. And, at the same time, my mind cannot believe I was really pregnant.

My mind is very confused about this whole grief experience. It can’t understand it. I felt so different during the weeks I was pregnant, and then WHAM, I was back to feeling just like me again. My body was no longer taken over by strange symptoms and sudden changes. There was no baby to nurse, no end product of what was started. My mind doesn’t know what to do with that.

As a result, it does things like criticize me to death. Here’s the short list:

You should be done grieving by now.

It was just a miscarriage – other people have had much worse losses.

People will think you’re weak for still being sad/mad/whatever.

Maybe you’re not really supposed to be a mom, anyway.

Yeeek. As you can see, my mind is not helping with the grieving process. I have to rely on my emotions, instead. They help me stay healthy on all levels. So, I’ve turned everything over to them and am letting them lead me. As a result, my schedule sometimes (admittedly, thankfully, not EVERY day) looks like this:

9:00 am – Coach Client

10:00 am – Have crying attack

10:15 am – Write blog post

11:00 am – Have angry pillow-punching attack

11:10 am – Put on makeup and fix hair

Noon – Eat lunch

12:30 pm – Teach class

2:00 pm – Feel depressed. Mope around.

2:15 pm – Realize I’m pretending not to be sad. Cry.

2:35 pm – Feel sudden rush of love and joy

3:00 pm – Coach Client

Etc.

What I’ve noticed is, if I let my emotions happen, I can work around them. I can be okay with my clients because I’m having crying attacks randomly during the day. I can write a coherent blog post because I let the anger come out when it needed to.

The result of this practice? My mind pretty much throws up its hands and gives up. It quiets down and leaves me in peace.  I feel. I heal. I repeat that process.

So maybe we can’t schedule our emotions. But that doesn’t mean we can’t feel them. In fact, my hunch is that things are designed pretty darn well, after all. These emotions – they’re meant to help us stay connected to our inner wisdom. We need them. Feeling them helps us stay sane, physically healthy, and even emotionally peaceful. I notice that when I feel them, they pass quickly and I spend more time feeling calm and peaceful. It’s only ignoring them that creates buildup, stress, tension, and anxiety.

Whether it’s a quick break in the public restroom at work or a few moments in the car, time can be found to feel emotions. Even if you’re not grieving, it’s every bit as important, especially if you want your body to be healthy and pain-free. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to feel.

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Posted in Emotions, Mind Body Healing | 10 Comments »

Taking a Body Break

Thursday, October 13th, 2011

"Seriously - how could I be annoyed at this cute pooch?"

As you know from previous posts,  I’m in the middle of doing a bunch of new stuff with my business and website. It’s all very exciting and good, but it is requiring a lot of creativity at the moment. My house is littered with post-its containing snippets of ideas. When I’m at the grocery store, I find myself pausing to email myself ideas. I spend long minutes staring into space while my creative brain does its thing.

In my line of work, I’m usually creating something. I adore creating. Yet, I’ve noticed that when I create something this large, I tend toward, let’s say, a little irritability. Certain members of my household have even used stronger language, like “grumpy.” And other words.

The other day, when I found myself being annoyed at my dog for sitting there and looking cute, I knew I needed to do something. What is it about this process that brings out my inner…er, grouch?

So, I got out my trusty mind-body journal again. I sat down and had a conversation with my body, emotions, and soul. I needed to know what was going on, and where I was getting off track.

Here’s what my body said:

“This creating is great, but please stop %$#@ sitting so much!”

Here’s what my irritability said:

“Space! Create space! There’s not enough space for this process!! ARGH!!!”

Here’s what my soul said:

“You need the space to create, and then you need breaks away from it, for the gestation process to happen. Schedule large chunks of time for creating, and then also get away.”

I immediately followed all the instructions. I scheduled creative work blocks in my week. I instituted “body breaks” into my day. And I planned some social activities that have nothing whatsoever to do with coaching, writing, or websites.

I felt better. Having the creative space gave my brain a sense of relief. It could stop trying to create all the time. I also created some meditation time, away from everyone, including my dog. I realized just being alone is something I crave.

I set an alarm to ring every two hours throughout the day. When it goes off, I get up and do something physical for a few minutes. I ask my body what it wants to do. It has asked for everything from a couple yoga poses to running up and down the stairs to lying backwards over my exercise ball. It also requires daily walks right now.

I am back to enjoying my dog. I have not bitten anyone’s head off in at least 3 hours. I feel more sane. I’m having more fun creating.

What’s the moral of this story?

To me, it’s yet again the wisdom of the body. Listening to it, following its advice, and tending to its needs is making me more creative, more productive, and less stressed. From this vantage point, I look back to those years of chronic pain and my struggle to learn to listen to my body, trust its messages, and live my life based on body wisdom. Just think – what if I hadn’t learned that? Where would I be today? I don’t know, but I do know I’m grateful for the experience.

So, if you’re feeling a little off today, ask your body for some advice. Maybe you need body breaks, too. (I’ve noticed mine are really fun! And I get great ideas during them.) Maybe you need something else. All I know is, your body will tell you.

How to Ask:

Here’s an easy way to do it. Draw a quick outline of your body with your left hand. (Kind of like a chalk outline around a murder victim. Yes, I might have an addiction to detective shows.) Still with your left hand, draw a symbol, design, word, or whatever you’re called to draw inside the body outline. Let this depict any areas of physical tension or emotion.

Then, have a written conversation with your body. Use your dominant hand to represent you, and your non-dominant hand to represent the area of tension/emotion in your body. Start by asking, “What are you here to tell me?” Then, switch the pen to your non-dominant hand and answer in the voice of your tension/emotion. Depending on the response, you might need to ask further questions to clarify. Just ask whatever you feel like asking, continuing to switch the pen back and forth during the conversation. Before long, you’ll know exactly what your body is trying to tell you!

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Posted in Mind Body Healing | 8 Comments »

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