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We’re Moving! And more news…

Thursday, February 16th, 2012

moving truckOk, folks, this is it! Time to say goodbye to this website and pack up the moving boxes. Next week is the official launch of the new site!

I’m currently typing madly, working out last-minute kinks, and otherwise frenziedly (yet with an underlying Zen-like calm, I’m sure) dashing around in preparation.

If you’re imagining me in mismatched yoga pants and sweatshirt, hair in a haphazard, utilitarian ponytail, and a dazed look on my face, you’ve probably got it about right.

There is one other thing…

I also have a round pooch to my belly. I’m proud to announce that on August 15, 2012 (or thereabouts), I’ll be giving birth to a baby, and this one won’t be a website. This one will be much noisier, I imagine.

So yes, for some reason, I have piled everything into the same time frame. First-trimester “morning sickness” (a big misnomer – more like “all day sickness”), writing a book, getting a website put together, running numerous coach trainings, and probably many other things I’ve forgotten in my pregnant fog.

It is all so worth it, though, because when we pull up the moving van to the new website, you are going to LOVE it!

Are you excited? Are you ready to participate? Well, you’re invited!

Here’s how you can join in on all the fun!

1)     Watch your email inbox. I’ll be announcing the new website as soon as it’s ready on Wednesday, February 22nd! Anyone on the email list will get the news asap!

2)     Get ready to download the fabulous new ebook series, Hear Your Soul, Heal Yourself! (Don’t worry, you’ll get instructions.)

3)     Join me on Facebook! On February 22, I’m opening up a new Facebook page just for anamsong. The goal? To create an online community where we can converse about tuning into inner wisdom from your soul, building your coaching practice, relieving stress, gaining confidence, and relieving physical pain. I’ll be posting mind-body tips and tricks, and I hope you’ll join in the conversation.

4)     Party On! On February 29th at 2 pm PT/3 pm MT/4 pm CT/5 pm ET, I’m hosting a Facebook party on the new anamsong Facebook page! Join me for an hour of free giveaways (virtual prize drawings!!) and Q and A with me about topics like stress and pain relief, business success, body image, or any topic you so desire! Ask me anything – for you, or about my experiences with pain and stress relief, business success, etc. Details will be out when the new Facebook page opens up on the 22nd.

5)     Spread the word! Invite your friends to join in on Facebook, to read the Hear Your Soul, Heal Yourself ebook series with you, and anything else you’d like to do together around the new material. I’m hoping to create community and connection around the soul song concept!

And now, for a few thank-yous! This kind of business growth does not happen without a fantastic, incredible team. Nor does being a sick, pregnant, expectant mommy!

Thanks to Jessica Steward, CEO extraordinaire! I’d be hiding under my desk if it weren’t for her! For things too numerous to mention, but include reading copy until her eyeballs fell out, reading thousands of emails from me, and enduring Skype meetings while I was in above-mentioned mis-matched clothing and very nauseous.

Thanks to Bridgette Boudreau, for unfailing friendship and support, especially in those moments where I was sure everything I created really sucked.

Thanks to Beth Dargis, for fantastic VA work that keeps this business running like clockwork!

Thanks to Scott Steidley, for a reliable artistic eye, technology genius, fabulous photography, and husbandly hugs when it all seemed overwhelming. And for noticing when dinner was boiling over on the stove, things in the oven were catching fire, and other such important details. And for being a proud soon-to-be-dad.

Thanks to Janet Pashleigh and Delaine Ulmer for beautiful design work.

Thanks to Sara Bray and team for the best website design I could have possibly imagined.

Thanks to all my Endorsed Mind-Body Coaches and coaches-in-training for your enthusiasm in trying out new ideas with me, giving feedback, and being fabulous coaches to whom I can refer clients when completely over-booked.

And, as always, thanks to Mom. Aka Willie Moyle. For artistic input, constant encouragement, and support beyond measure (including cooking delicious meals!). And Dad, aka Jerry Moyle, for being a willing test case for many of the new materials, incredibly helpful feedback, for also cooking delicious meals, and for baking homemade bread.

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Posted in Business Success, Chronic Pain, Stress Relief | 11 Comments »

Giving Birth to Anamsong

Thursday, February 9th, 2012

giving birthHave you ever looked back and realized you could have never envisioned the path your life has taken? As I prepare to launch my new website and business, I am astounded at what has happened in my life to create this moment, now. This is why I bow down to my soul and revere its wisdom. Every time, and I really do mean every time, my mind starts to question or argue with life events, my soul eventually shows me just how perfect they are.

Last year, I thought I would be pregnant and then give birth to a baby.

Instead, I miscarried. Then I ended up being pregnant with my life’s work and giving birth to that instead.

Of course I mourned the loss of my baby. I grieved. I healed. But I’ve also had enough experience with my mind-body-soul connection to know that there was infinite wisdom in the experience, somewhere. I would just have to wait to see it.

Sure enough, I can see it now.

I needed to spend time writing and creating this new material. It brought me clarity. It connected me more deeply to my life’s mission: To facilitate the mind-body connection for anyone who needs it. To teach other coaches how to do the same. To help those who are suffering return to their inner wisdom, gain strength and confidence, and trust their own soul once again.

To do all that, I needed to connect with my own soul on a whole new level. Losing the baby and reassessing my whole life made me do that. It was the path I needed to take this past year.

Many years ago, a similar thing happened. I suffered mightily at the hands of chronic pain and mental panic. I went through hell. At that time, I didn’t trust my soul. I didn’t think it was happening to help me grow as a person. I just thought I was being tortured.

And yet…that experience forced me to take charge of my inner life. It forced me to stop playing the victim role and to dig deep into my own power. It forced me to learn how to heal myself, and to learn that was even possible. It forced me to look at where I was unwittingly creating stress in my body and imbalance in my psyche.

In the end, I became a totally new me. I became the real me, the Abigail who lets her soul sing, every day. Who no longer hides, hates her body, or uses achievement as her only way to self-worth. I became intimately aware and connected with my own soul, my spiritual beliefs, and the energy that keeps me alive, every day. I became a person who listens to her body, lets her emotions flow, and doesn’t criticize herself constantly.

I didn’t become perfect. I learned how to forgive myself for not being perfect, and how to know that I’m already perfect, just as I am.

I also found my life’s work, my passion, my calling – whatever you want to call it.

All that from suffering and pain.

Of course, I’d love to learn my big life lessons from joy instead of pain. And I actually think that’s possible, now. But I do know myself, and I know my stubborn streak. I needed a good whap upside the head to awaken to my true life path.

In just a couple weeks, anamsong will be officially born. I’ll be the proud mother of a baby I really do love, even if she’s not the one I thought I’d be holding in my arms. So maybe this post is my birth announcement. I’m so deliriously in love with everything that’s associated with anamsong. I love the Irish word “anam” in the name. I love that I’m finally finding a way to incorporate all of me into what I do – my musician self, my coach self, my writer self, and my teacher self. I love that I’ll be able to clearly serve three different groups of people: people in physical pain, people fighting mental stress, and coaches looking to grow amazing businesses.

You know what?

In a lot of ways, this birth announcement is really the rebirth of me. I feel whole and complete. I feel good in my own skin. I like who I am. I love who I am. I love what I do. Finally, all of me gets to come out and play.

When we fall off the shelf and shatter to pieces, we aren’t broken. Instead, we discover the amazing work of art that was inside all along.

I’ve fallen and shattered many times. I’ll probably do it again. But I’ll be reborn, just that much more whole, each time.

Let’s have a party to celebrate rebirth. I’m creating a new Facebook page for anamsong, and when it’s ready, I’ll let you know. You’re invited to come celebrate launch week there, with me. I don’t know what we’ll do at the party yet, but it will be virtual, fun, and whatever we want it to be. Share your party ideas with me! I might be sweaty, exhausted, and a proud new mama, but I’ll be ready to celebrate.

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Posted in Chronic Pain, Listening to Soul, Stress Relief | 10 Comments »

And anamsong was born…

Thursday, February 2nd, 2012

AnamsongFor the last many, many, many months, I’ve been working with an amazing team to create a new website. And more. Since it’s getting close to the great unveiling, I want to let you in on the story behind everything new.  And wow, is there ever a lot of new coming down the line! Grab a cup of tea and settle in for the tale…

Here is the story:

Once upon a time, there was a woman. She was in her late teens when she started struggling with chronic pain syndromes. She fought with interstitial cystitis for many years, then ended up with vulvodynia. These two pelvic pain syndromes nearly drove her mad. She was desperate, lost, and terrified.

Then, through a synchronous, magical moment, she was introduced to mind-body healing. She knew it was the right healing path for her, even though she had a lot to learn. It felt right, it felt empowering, and it felt important. She trusted this, dove in, and learned as much as she could. In the end, she learned how to help her body heal itself.

Meanwhile, magical healing seemed to happen in every area of her life. She gained confidence, learned to love her body, lost weight, and took steps to finally follow her passion. She started life coach training, a long-time dream of hers.

As a coach, she felt compelled to work with others who were struggling with physical pain issues. She hung out her shingle as a mind-body coach specializing in interstitial cystitis and vulvodynia. She fell in love with working with women dealing with these syndromes. They, too, felt that mind-body healing was the right path for them. All they needed was the “how to,” and the woman had spent years figuring that out. It was perfect. Client after client, she taught them how to use their mind-body connection to help their bodies heal themselves.

She ended up compiling all of her how-to knowledge into an audio course. It’s called the Healthy Mind Toolbox Audio Course, but it’s getting a new name and lovely new cover-art. Soon it will be The Mind-Body Toolbox for Pain Relief. It was so much fun to write and teach about mind-body healing that the woman kept teaching new classes, working with new clients, and writing new materials.

Soon, coaches started asking her to help them use mind-body tools with clients. Out of this, the first Mind-Body Coach Training was born. Then, other clients started showing up, asking to learn the mind-body tools for purposes besides physical healing. They wanted to improve their businesses, gain confidence, reduce stress, lose weight, and learn to love their bodies, too.

Pretty soon, the little website that had started it all was no longer speaking to just pain relief. It was piled with offerings, resources, and a hodge-podge of different things for different people struggling with different issues. Everyone who came to the site had one thing in common, though. They all wanted to use mind-body healing. They just had different types of healing they wanted to achieve.

The poor little website could no longer serve the different people arriving at its doorstep. And so, the idea to build a new one was born. But what to call it? So many people wanted to do so much with the mind-body tools. So many people already had, in fact, created success, health, weight loss, and confidence. And they’d all done it by tuning in to their bodies, their emotions, and their souls. They knew how to listen to their soul, trust it, and enjoy the healing that resulted from doing so.

And so, the woman, both a musician and a coach, realized the core of mind-body healing is really about letting your soul sing. It’s about finding your individual soul song. It’s about trusting that inner wisdom from your soul and letting it come through, full volume, in its unique way. It’s about letting yourself really be who you are meant to be, because trying to be anyone else creates pain, stress, weight gain, and low-confidence. The key to everything is trusting in your unique soul and everything it has to offer the world.

The woman, who also loves Celtic spirituality, hopped in the shower one day and got out with a whole new name. It was the name that perfectly described what she wanted to teach – this whole let your soul sing thing. It was the word “anam” (Irish for “soul”) combined with the word “song.”

anamsong

/ah-num·sông/ origin – Irish + Greek (n): 1. soul song, inner wisdom 2. The expression of your unique purpose, truth, or voice As in: What’s your anamsong: what song does your soul sing?

And just like that, the new name, the new website, and a whole slew of new mind-body materials was born. Just for you. For those of you who want to heal your bodies. For those of you who want to heal your self-confidence. For those of you who want to heal your coaching business. For anyone who wants to hear their inner wisdom, trust it, and let their soul sing. For anyone who wants to feel free, feel inspired, enjoy abundance, love, health, and joy. Really.

anamsong

Coming soon.

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Posted in Chronic Pain, Interstitial Cystitis, Vulvodynia, Weight Loss | 14 Comments »

Ode to Turtle Steps

Thursday, January 26th, 2012

Turtle

Re-defining my coaching business, creating a new website, writing a book, running my Mind-Body Coach Training, and being the Life Coach Training Coordinator for Martha Beck, Inc is kind of a lot. In fact, as I write that list, I realize I haven’t actually considered how much is going on in my work life. I might need a nap now.

Here’s the small problem with following your passion: it’s easy to fill your passion plate until it resembles a Thanksgiving feast. I am so in love with what I do that I am constantly getting new ideas. I literally have enough ideas right now to fill the next five years. I have audio/video courses I want to make, more books I want to write, classes I want to give, trainings I want to run…and on and on.

I even get ideas for other people. I am an idea factory. And when I get an idea, I make it a reality. So you can expect that after my book is done, I’ll be whipping up that first audio/video course, just for you! (Need an idea? I’m sure I can whip one up for you!)

You would think that I’d be slightly crazy, overworked, and exhausted from doing all the things I’m doing. And yes, I do get tired. (But it’s a good tired. A satisfying, carpe-diem-happened-today tired.) Overall, though, I feel a constant sense of inspiration. I feel joy. I feel alive.

It’s kind of like falling in love every day.

So what’s the key to my sanity? A little thing called Turtle Steps. I learned them from Martha Beck when I first took Life Coach Training. Turtle Steps are tiny, teeny-weeny, ridiculously easy steps toward a goal. To create a Turtle Step, you look at your end goal, break up the steps toward achieving it, and then cut them in half. Then cut them in half again. Keep cutting them in half until they are so easy that you could do them in your sleep. Then, you start with the first easy Turtle Step.  Follow that with the next one. And the next. It might be just one Turtle Step per day, but you keep on trekking. Lo and behold – you accomplish your vision.

In my previous life, I did not use Turtle Steps. I focused on Scaling Mountains in a Single Bound as my primary action mode. Needless to say, that worked so well that I ended up flat on my back, in chronic pain, endlessly overwhelmed by the constant pressure I put on myself.

So in this moment, I’d just like to say congrats to myself for actually changing this mode of action. Learning to do Turtle Steps was a major achievement for me. I really thought that Scaling Mountains was better. Faster. More reliable. Until I realized Scaling Mountains was killing me. And that I often had trouble completing a goal because the mountain just seemed so darn big.

The truth is, I can get way more done by using Turtle Steps. Though tiny, they are so do-able. They accumulate quickly. Before you know it, there you are, at the finish line!

In creating my new website, I decided I wanted to write a free ebook for anyone who dropped by to visit. Then, being me, I decided a short little ebook wasn’t going to do it. I wanted the book to be jam-packed with helpful information. So the little ebook grew and grew. Until I realized it was actually a book-book. In the end, I essentially found myself with several mountains worth of writing projects – writing the copy for the new site, writing the book, writing the audio/video course I’m working on, and writing scripts for videos I wanted to create.

Yet, in just a few short months, it’s all nearly done. The videos have been shot. The website copy is done. The book is in final editing mode. Looking back, I can hardly believe it’s all happened so quickly. I owe it to Turtle Steps.

So, if you are feeling overwhelmed today, take a moment to break up your to-do’s into ridiculously easy pieces. (And don’t cheat on this step! Really make the Turtle Steps EASY!) Do one. Check it off. Feel a sense of accomplishment. Congratulate yourself. Repeat. You’ll be amazed at how much faster things get done even as you feel so much less overwhelmed. Stop Scaling Mountains. Your body will thank you, your mind will feel rested, and your soul will sing.

And…stay tuned. The new website and book are coming soon!

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Posted in Adrenal Fatigue, Business Success, Chronic Pain, Martha Beck | 8 Comments »

Claim My Space

Thursday, November 10th, 2011

This post is a guest post by Healthy Life Endorsed Coach Gail Kenny. She can be reached for coaching and consults at gail@thehealthylifecoach.com.

“Claim my space,” is what my soul wisdom recently told me when I checked in.  So much of my life has been spent putting aside who I really am to make space for whom or what other people need me to be or do.  When I do that, part of me gets lost.  When I do that, I feel like I’m not good enough, there’s something wrong with me, I don’t deserve to have a life that validates me.  I might as well give up now because it’s too hard to shine the light of my soul.  Then I stuff my emotions, get depressed, and my body responds with pain.  When I stifle the feminine power of my soul the pain can show up in my pelvic area (chronic pelvic pain syndrome, vaginal pain, low back pain, side pain) and in tightness in my chest and throat.

When I check in with my soul and the path I have taken on my life’s journey, I keep coming back to this:  The pain is a spiritual journey calling me home to my soul so that I claim all of who I truly am through mind, body and emotions to be fully integrated, aligned with my feminine power, and present in each moment.

Wow.  How do I live up to that? How can I be brave enough to have just me be enough, to allow my light to shine through, to be fully loving and kind, first to myself and then to others?  Who am I to carry this message?  This has been my life lesson.

I live up to it by continually coming back to my wholeness every time I stray from it.  I live up to it by recognizing it in my spiritual teachers and feeling it within myself.  I have so many shining examples from powerful teachers in my life.  The best teachers are the ones who see me, really see me, as my whole and divine soul.  My lesson is to continue to see it in myself and to recognize and validate other women in the wholeness of themselves.  My lesson is to believe it and to live it.  My lesson is to stop hiding and taking the easy way out, to remember that the easy way, in reality, is stuck and miserable.

Several teachers have told me “Once you ‘wake up’ your soul won’t let you fall back to sleep.  You can’t go back to your old ways, because they no longer work.”  Life wants me to keep stretching out and shining my light brighter and clearer.  It wants me to push the edge, to fully step into all the colors of the beauty of my true self.  I do this by paying attention to what my soul is telling me through getting quiet and focusing within my body to access my emotions, the fractured bits of myself, my inner wisdom, my worth, my value.  I do it by moving my body and speaking my truth.  I do it by deliberately inhabiting my body, by taking charge of my life, by being a soul in a body rather than a body with a soul.

I practice and I practice and I practice and I keep opening and going deeper and learning my power, aligning with it, claiming it, burning through old emotional pain and protections, believing in myself.  I do it by looking in the mirror of the souls of my great teachers and seeing myself reflected there, seeing the beauty, the possibility of the greatness of what I truly and deeply can experience in this phenomenon called life.  I do this by feeling it in my body, feeling my body open, feeling my emotions release, by claiming my space.

I reflect my wholeness back to you.  From here I see your beauty, I see your power.  I see you.  Can you see it?  Can you see it reflected in my eyes, my voice, my heart?  Can you connect with and claim your own inner beauty?  Can you claim your space?  Come with me.  I’ll show you how.

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Posted in Chronic Pain, Emotions, Endorsed Coach, Guest Post, Mind Body Connection, Mind Body Healing | 3 Comments »

My Soul Song

Thursday, August 11th, 2011

Last week, I wrote about knowing with your intuition versus intellect, because that’s what I’m surrendering to more and more every day. A year ago, I was sitting here at this same desk, planning last year’s Mind-Body Coach Training. I was imagining a great group of trainees, fixing up the forum where they would interact, and sending out the announcements in my newsletter. I thought I knew exactly what my plans were for the next couple of years. I’d train one last round of coaches. I’d build a new website, and I’d continue creating with my business partners. I’d scale back my own business and do a lot more collaboration. I moved forward quickly, as usual, with all of my plans.

There was just one, tiny problem.

I wasn’t listening to my soul. Oops. I am really, really good at suppressing my true feelings and not listening to my inner-most guidance. This is why I focus on the practice of trusting and following my own inner wisdom so much. I can so easily forget this and barrel forward, ignoring important signals from inside myself.

I’ve been down this road before, of course. Many years ago, my body had to wake me up to this pattern of ignoring myself by literally immobilizing me with physical pain. I grudgingly began to listen to its messages and actually tune in to myself. Searing pain in one’s privates is most definitely motivational. Once I realized what my body was trying to get me to do, I started down the arduous and yet incredibly rewarding path of learning to like and love both myself and my body.

Yet, like any relationship, my relationship with my body and self is always evolving. Just when I think I’m pretty darn tuned in, I find a whole new layer of awareness I had no idea was there. To be honest, I think this actually delights me. How endlessly fascinating it is to never be done discovering new truths, depths, and information about one’s self! It’s not always comfortable. It’s not always a walk in the park. However, the rewards of going deeper, being willing to surrender to new levels of personal truth, and being ridiculously honest with yourself are absolutely worth it.

As usual, my body helped me out last year. It took on the miraculous and amazing project of nurturing a child inside it. As soon as I became pregnant, I became a mother. Wild hormones raced through my body, and I felt the urge to act like a grizzly bear with her cub, even though said cub was not even born yet. One day I took my niece to a movie and nearly murdered a woman who spoke rudely to her.  Quite suddenly, a new me was born. Mother Bear was awakened.

When I miscarried, the mother inside me did not go away. She remained. And something really spectacular took place. She nurtured me. She taught me even more about being compassionate with myself, setting boundaries, saying no, and treating myself with the same kind of honest, powerful mother-bear energy I would use for my child.

I got really honest with myself. I changed everything that wasn’t feeling right. I made new business decisions and decided to focus on my individual business and do less collaboration. I hired help in my business. I got inspired to create a whole new body of mind-body tools to use with my clients, my coach trainees, and myself. (I’d road tested them during my grieving process, and they really helped.)

Why am I telling you all of this? Because it just goes to show – this process of tuning in to your body, emotions, and soul is never done. It’s okay to be on this journey for a lifetime and never be perfect at all of this. Because you just can’t underestimate the power of taking a few moments to check in with your body, emotions, and soul. There is always something new to learn. There is always a new layer of deep peace awaiting you, right across the swamp of discomfort.

So, here I am again, one year later, sitting at my desk and preparing the new Mind-Body Coach Training.  I was seriously kidding myself when I thought I wouldn’t do another one. I love training coaches. I love watching them go out and use mind-body tools with their clients. I love watching them transform their own lives as they go through the training. It’s probably my favorite thing to do, above all else.

I’m also writing a new audio/visual product that will allow you to deepen your own mind-body process. I’m getting a whole new website built, and it’s completely different from what I thought it would be. I’ve also been hired to run Martha Beck’s Life Coach Training.

Nothing – not ONE little thing – looks like I thought it would when I envisioned this year. Everything – every SINGLE little thing – feels fabulous and perfect now. What if I hadn’t trusted myself? What if I hadn’t listened when my body asked me to?

I might not be in this moment, doing all these things I love. I might not know myself this much more. I might not have let my soul really sing, like it is now.

But I did it. I did listen. I paid attention to discomfort. I tuned in, even though there was pain, grief, sadness, anger, and fear. And now I AM here, in this moment. This is why it’s all worth it. This is what my soul was guiding me toward. Every time I go through this process in a big way, it turns out like this. Every time I tune in to myself in little ways, throughout the day, it turns out like this. It’s better than good. It’s more delicious than any delicacy. It’s challenging, engaging, and interesting, to be willing to live wide-awake like this. What can you learn from yourself, today, for you?

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Posted in Chronic Pain, Interstitial Cystitis, Martha Beck, Mind Body Healing, Vulvar Pain, Vulvodynia | 5 Comments »

Letting Go of Knowing

Thursday, August 4th, 2011

Hope

Last week, I invited you along on my surrendering journey.  My question was this: what are you surrendering to right now? I’m surrendering to not knowing what will happen if I give pregnancy and motherhood another shot, post miscarriage. Which led me to ponder this familiar question: Do I really know anything?

There’s a doozy for my inner brainiac! What? Not know stuff?

She and I have had this discussion before, but she’s still a big fan of knowing stuff. Yet, truly, I cannot know what will happen in the next moment, much less the next day, week, month, or year. I can plan. I can intend. I can imagine. I can dream.

But I can’t know.

Aghhhhhhhh! (Inner brainiac screaming. Poor thing.)

I was trained in school to learn, study, analyze, and know. My intellect was honed and my intuition buried. Which is odd, because what I actually need, to navigate my life successfully, is a lot less intellect and lot more intuition. Because intuition actually does KNOW. It knows in a deeper, less verbal, more visceral, somewhat indescribable way. I need to lead my life with intuition, and apply my intellect to intuitive information.

I don’t know anything with my intellect. But I KNOW lots of things with my intuition. Listening to it is a little like walking a tightrope, but being willing to fall into the big, safe net below. I can be willing to let go of the need to know with my mind. I can walk this motherhood tightrope – heck, I might even attempt a little fancy flip or something. My intuition will guide me, and I will know what I need to know, when I need to know it.

Would you like to walk the tightrope with me? Maybe you’re already a mother, but maybe there’s something new you’d like to do – your version of the tightrope. Possibly your intellect would like to know everything and see how it all works out before you take the first/next step. I hear ya, sister! What would it be like to let go of the need to know, together? I have a feeling that some group energy around this might serve all of us who are open to not knowing and ready to trust our intuition more and more. What are you ready to not know?

In March, when I knew in my heart that I was about to miscarry, I felt angry at my intuition. Why tell me something like that in advance? I didn’t want to KNOW.

Except that I did want to know. I’ve spent years opening back up to my intuition, being willing to listen to that deeper voice within, and learning to trust it. I’ve opened that can of worms, and now I KNOW a lot more than I used to. It can be disconcerting, but at the same time, there’s a sense of preparedness that comes with intuitive knowing. It helped me to know I was miscarrying, even if I did have a little fight with it at first. It made it easier to surrender. In general, I trust myself a lot more now that I KNOW things.

I trust that whatever is happening, it is actually serving me, even if it’s painful or uncomfortable. I learned that big lesson from dealing with vulvodynia and interstitial cysititis. Even though I argued against those experiences for a while, in the end I saw why I needed to have them to become the person I truly wanted to be. After I saw that, I was able to trust that new painful experiences were not there to beat me down, but to help me return to myself in some way.

I’m pretty sure I’ll be returning to myself in some form or another for the rest of my life. The difference is, now I am willing to walk that humble path and trust the KNOWING rather than try to steer clear of pain by intellectually choosing my route. (I said willing, mind you. I didn’t say I do it all the time, or perfectly!) I’m willing to not know, and to KNOW. I’m willing to trust the sense of visceral understanding that sometimes cannot be put into words.

To embark on the pregnancy and motherhood path again, (though I don’t think I’ve actually veered off the path, come to think of it) I have to love my intellect, be kind to it, and then remind it that it just can’t know. Then I have to look into my heart, trust my inner guidance, and take the next step on the tightrope. Yes, I am afraid. I allow the fear to surface as I step into the unknown. I feel it. I get guidance from it. And I keep stepping.

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Posted in Chronic Pain, Interstitial Cystitis, Mind Body Healing, Stress Relief, Vulvodynia | 7 Comments »

What Do You Want Today?

Thursday, July 7th, 2011

Pain is the ultimate waker-upper. There’s probably a real word for that, but I can’t think of it right now. Waker-upper works, because it’s actually pain’s job description. Whether it’s physical pain, emotional pain, or mental pain, it makes you sit up and take notice. Yeah, I know – what a seriously annoying alarm clock!

Yet, good old pain is really trying to help you out. It’s just that sometimes we’re not clued in to what it’s trying to say. We’re awake, but we’re mainly focused on getting the damn alarm to stop buzzing.

One of the MAJOR messages behind physical and all other pain is this: You are somehow, somewhere, not admitting important wants or needs to yourself. You are not fully letting yourself be who you really are. You are squelching something, somewhere, within you.

My fave new phrase is: you are not letting your soul sing. As a musician, I just love the idea that we all have a unique soul song. The world is our stage, where we all get to make music, and we all get to sing our unique soul songs. Then we get to join together and make really cool harmonies. It’s a soul choir, this human experience!

If you’re not letting yourself admit your own needs and wants, you can’t truly sing. And I, for one, want to hear your song. Nothing is more uplifting than spending time with a person who lets themself be fully who they are. Think about it. Don’t you know someone who just IS who they are? Aren’t you just magnetized to them?

Of course, there are levels of letting your soul sing. You might start quietly, with a pianissimo. Eventually, you’ll get a little louder. Mezzo-forte, in musician speak. Then, eventually, you’ll be blasting a full-on forte. It doesn’t matter. Sing quietly, start softly, but sing.

How, you ask?

Start now by asking yourself what you actually, truly, really want in this moment. Then do it. Repeat.

Huh. That’s awfully simple. It’s a real head-scratcher, alright. Because it actually works. Yes, everyone around might think you’re crazy/silly/loony/insert your word here. I really can’t imagine why this would be more important than you letting your soul sing, especially if you are experiencing the waker-upper face-slap from pain. Really – would you rather squelch yourself and feel awful but deny it and pretend everything is okay until one day you have screaming pain of some kind and can’t get rid of it? Or…let people say what they will and enjoy the freedom of taking care of yourself honestly, deeply, and truly by doing what you actually want to do. Day by day.

I’m teasing you a little just because I’ve done it too. I’ve smooshed, squelched, squashed, shoved, and otherwise ignored major and important parts of myself. Until my body refused to let me do it anymore. Until my physical, mental, and emotional anguish was too much, and I had to start being the real me. Until singing my soul song was essential to my well-being.

Yes, I still sing quietly sometimes. It’s not about doing it perfectly. It’s just about singing. It’s just about letting your soul out of self-imposed prison.

So – what do you want, right now? Honor it. You are the only one who can truly bring what you want into your life. It’s time to start. Or, maybe it’s just time to do it more often.

I’m not kidding. What do you want? Tell me in the comments below! Sometimes it helps you start when you write it down or say it out loud.

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Posted in Chronic Pain, Interstitial Cystitis, Mind Body Healing, Stress Relief, Vulvodynia | 8 Comments »

Let Yourself Off the Hook – 3 Steps to Instant Stress Relief

Thursday, June 2nd, 2011

Self-pressure is my term for the mental expectations you have about yourself that differ from what you really need in this moment. It’s an instant stress-creator. Self-pressure can seem very subtle until you get used to noticing it. For example, I often decide I’m going to work out X number of days in a week, for X number of minutes. This is an arbitrary mental choice, not based on any of my body or soul’s actual needs. Automatically, I have set myself up to feel stress and pressure – from me.

When the time comes for my specified workout, if my body isn’t up for it, I immediately feel guilt, frustration, and stress. My mind goes into a little battle with itself:

Me: “Well, you said you’d work out x number of times. You’ll HAVE to do this tomorrow, now, and on the weekend.”

Other Me: “But I feel sick to my stomach. I really don’t think I can do this workout today.”

Me: “You should really be working out right now. That’s the plan. You are not sticking to it.”

Other Me: “But I really don’t feel well. I think I need to lie down.”

Me: “Failure is not an option! Oh no! This is terrible! You should be working out today!”

Other Me: “Blehhhhckkkk.” (Actually vomiting.)

Etc. That’s just one example. The conversation can be different each time, but the essence is the same – me getting frustrated with the me that is taking my body and soul’s needs into account, creating a sense of pressure.

Oddly, this is actually an improvement over the past, when I used to simply override and ignore my body and soul’s needs entirely. Yet, it’s not quite the sweet spot, where I actually listen to my body and soul needs each day and make my mental decisions based on those instead of the arbitrary mental expectations.

This sweet spot is a relaxed, health-enhancing zone. It’s where you listen to what your body and soul actually need in this moment and take action from that knowledge. I spend a lot of time in the sweet spot, but I’m certainly not perfect at it. So, I recently came up with a new concept to help myself remember how to get back to it.

Here’s how you enter the sweet spot:

1)     Notice when you are feeling stress. Easy enough, right?

2)     Look for any ways you are employing self-pressure. Remember, it can be subtle. Anytime your mind has made a decision based on arbitrary expectations, this self-pressure can arise. (For example, I noticed it last week, while writing a blog post. My mind had decided I must write blog posts on Mondays. My soul felt differently – it prefers Thursdays. The dissonance created self-pressure. I felt stress.)

3)     Let yourself off the hook. This is a blissful moment where you recognize that your mind has made a decision based on arbitrary expectations and then release those expectations. Just because the magazines say it’s a good idea, the book you read last week recommends doing it this particular way, or mom told you to do it this way when you were ten does not mean it’s right for you, in this moment. But your mind may be hanging on to old information, random information, or simply deciding stuff on its own. Make this moment conscious by asking the question: “Where can I let myself off the hook?” What can you change/not do/do differently? Where can you let go of the expectation that is causing the stress? (For example, I quit writing the blog posts on Mondays, started writing them on Thursdays, and felt much freer.)

4)     Enjoy. There is nothing quite like the feeling of relief when you actually see the silliness of these subtle and pervasive expectations. You might find yourself dancing with abandon, skipping joyfully, spontaneously smiling, or experiencing other such signs of soul-relief. Letting yourself off the hook gives you the chance to listen to what your body and soul really, truly need in this moment. Maybe it’s not a 45 minute weight-lifting workout. Maybe it’s a walk. Maybe it’s ten minutes of stretching. Maybe it’s a job. Maybe it’s a swim. Whatever it is, it is exactly right for you. This is you honoring yourself.

To enjoy this experience, you’ll need to tap into what I call your Inner Nurturer. This is the mothering, nurturing voice within you that is often drowned out by the Inner Critic or the Arbitrary Decision Maker. Call up your Inner Nurturer and ask her to help you find ways you can let yourself off the hook. She’ll have ideas. She’ll speak softly, lovingly, and gently to you. She’ll be curious about your body’s needs, and she’ll want to know what your soul is saying right now. She’ll be open to new ideas and ways to honor yourself.

Don’t worry if your Inner Nurturer is a little shy. She might not have had a lot of room to speak in, say, the last thirty years or so. Maybe she’s been shoved aside by the Inner Critic and needs a little encouragement to speak up. You can conjure her by imagining how you would treat your own child in this moment, or your pet, niece, or student. Anything that brings out your mothering instincts will help you tap into this Inner Nurturer’s wisdom. Then, turn that feeling-state inward, toward yourself.

You might discover that your life changes in surprising and fabulous ways the more you let yourself off the hook. I once spent a few weeks letting myself off the hook around eating vegetables. I counted pickles as veggies and called it good. Talk about freeing! Then, when veggies stopped feeling like self-pressure, I found myself inspired to make new kinds of salads. I was able to enjoy them again. I’ve let myself off the hook in hundreds of little ways in the last several months. Now it’s your turn. I’d love to hear the fun, funny, and surprising ways you’ve decided to let yourself off the hook, today!

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Posted in Adrenal Fatigue, Chronic Pain, Stress Relief, Weight Loss | 7 Comments »

Go Get a Massage

Thursday, April 7th, 2011

MassageHere is my latest coaching tool: Go get a massage.

Guess how I came up with that one! Yep, on the massage table.

Obviously, if you hate massages, this tool isn’t for you. If, like me, you adore floating in dreamy relaxation while listening to soft music, then schedule a massage asap.

All joking aside, massage really IS a great self-coaching tool. Our bodies are magical, miraculous things that take care of us in thousands of unnoticed ways, day in and day out, for our entire lives. One of the amazing things our bodies do for us is store emotional energy. When difficult or painful experiences happen in our lives, our bodies help us make it through them.

If you’re in the midst of a trauma or crisis in your life, it is likely that you will feel mentally overwhelmed and unable to deal with every little emotion or issue that arises. For example, I just experienced a loss that involved much grieving. I was able to be present with the emotions of grief, allowing them to flow through my body and release as each wave came through. However, any additional emotional experience on top of that felt impossibly difficult. My mind revolted at dealing with the emotional detritus of everyday life on top of the grieving process.  So, my body helped me out and stored some of it for later.

In times of high stress, this is the body’s gift to us. All we have to do is remain aware that this may be happening, feel the emotions we can handle, stay aware of our bodies, and then help our bodies release stored emotional energy when the time is right. As you may well know from reading past posts, never allowing our bodies to release stored emotional energy results in physical pain – the body’s cry for help.

Like most things in life, the answer is moderation and balance. It’s a difficult task to NEVER store emotional energy in the body, and it’s also painfully difficult to ALWAYS store emotional energy in the body. What works and keeps us healthy is to allow the body to help us when the mind is overwhelmed, and the let the mind help the body when it is able again.

My body kindly stored emotional energy around issues unrelated to the grief I was experiencing. I was grateful, because I needed to focus on the grief. Then, after a couple of weeks, I felt ready to let my body release those held emotions. So, I went to my massage with the intention of both relaxing and feeling.  I sank into the dreamy half-asleep bliss for a full ninety minutes (SO WORTH IT!), and then I came home to feel.

And feel I did. Let me tell you, a good massage does wonders for bringing up whatever is being stored in your body! I let the emotions flow through, and I learned much from them. I felt the gentle re-alignment of body and mind taking place, which often reminds me of coming home from a long vacation. It’s sweet, slightly painful because the vacation is over, and very grounding. I feel settled in my own skin, my own body, and my own inner wisdom again.

That’s why I say go get a massage. If your body has helped you out by storing some emotional energy, you’ll be able to release it. (This can take several days, so simply get the massage and then wait. Feel whatever comes up, whenever it arises. It’s that simple.) Don’t try to be the perfect mind-body student and never store a darn thing in your body. Instead, recognize that we are all human, and that you need to store emotional energy sometimes. In fact, your body will take over and do it without your awareness in times of need. You’ll know soon enough, because you’ll feel a little tension somewhere. That’s when you pick up the phone, call up your favorite massage therapist, and treat yourself to a little self-coaching, disguised as R and R.

Really, could there be a more enjoyable mind-body tool?

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Posted in Adrenal Fatigue, Chronic Pain, Interstitial Cystitis, Mind Body Connection, Mind Body Healing, Vulvodynia | 5 Comments »

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