Archive for November, 2009

Giving Thanks

Friday, November 27th, 2009

In honor of Thanksgiving, I would like to give thanks right here on my blog.  This year, I have a lot to be thankful for, but one person in particular deserves a very large dose of gratitude.

This week, my mom underwent surgery.  It was supposed to be simple and quick, but halfway through it took a complicated turn.  Her doctor came out and spoke to us, tension etched in his face.  Though it seemed impossible, it looked like he was even more stressed than us, her family.  When he finally spoke to us at the end of the day, it was to give us good news.  Mom was doing fine, would recover with just a short hospital stay, and would never need worry about this health issue again.  He looked absolutely exhausted.

I have never met a doctor like this one.  Having traversed the country with my Naval Officer husband while battling a plethora of pelvic pain issues, I have met my fair share of doctors.  I’ve seen specialists of all kinds – urologists, gynecologists, vulvo-vaginal specialists, nephrologists, dermatologists, and orthopedic specialists.  Many of them have been kind, caring, and excellent physicians.  Many of them were great listeners and took the time to try to work with me toward health.  None of them could hold a candle to my mom’s doctor.

I am still astonished.  After seeing all those doctors in all those different states, I find the best doctor I could possibly conjure up in my imagination right here in Casper, Wyoming.  I only see him once a year, usually, for my good old pap smear.  This year, he’s been the one to deliver my brother’s new baby and save my mom’s life.  In each encounter, like every appointment I’ve had, he has shown deep caring, compassion, and attention.

I am supremely grateful for this doctor.  He is indescribable, but I’m going to try anyway.  He shoulders the weight of the world, caring so much about his patients that he often doesn’t charge them for expensive but necessary procedures.  He gives his all to every patient, going above and beyond the call of duty like no other doctor I’ve met.  He listens to me when I am sharing wisdom about my own body, and actually says this: “You know your own body better than I do, so I want to hear what you have to say.”  (I know!  Astonishing!)  He puts every ounce of effort possible into giving his patients what they need and want, even when those diverge.  He knew that my mom hates the hospital, so he got her out of there as fast as possible, but took into account what she needed as well.

So, this Thanksgiving I am giving much thanks.  My mom is alive and well, recovering each day.  My family gathered around to support her, and my in-laws helped us create a thanksgiving despite the hospital stay.  And Mom had the world’s best doctor, right here in little ol’ Wyoming.  I am full of gratitude.

Tags: , ,
Posted in Interstitial Cystitis, Mind Body Healing, Vulvodynia | 2 Comments »

Decoding Pain Series – Releasing the Pressure

Thursday, November 19th, 2009

To read the first post in this series, click here.

My Thanksgiving Dinnerware

My Thanksgiving Dinnerware

This could be an easy week to put a lot of pressure on myself.  Here are the things I could be “shoulding” about:

1.    I should make my house look great for the Thanksgiving relative influx
2.    I should get my to-do list done prior to next week, because I won’t be working next week
3.    I should cook meals for my husband this week
4.    I should be writing the rough draft of my book this week
5.    I should be writing an extra blog post for next week
6.    I should be responding to emails within 24 hours
7.    I should be on top of the shopping and planning

Thankfully, I’ve tasted the blissful freedom of life without constant shoulds.   I watch them pop up in my mind, and smile.  Those shoulds can’t even tempt me anymore!  I am wise to their ways.  I know that if I believe them, I’ll feel tension creeping into my body and a weight descending on my soul.  Self-pressure is at the root of much of the physical tension we experience.  This tension is not something the human body can withstand for long without developing pain.  I remember being totally flabbergasted when I realized I was holding constant tension in my pelvic floor muscles.  With that revelation, I could easily see why pain had developed in that region.

Take off the shoulds, and you’ll begin to taste freedom and relaxation, too.   When I read the above “should” list, I feel my Essential Self drooping.  There’s no way she’s going to let me take on those things.  She has much better ideas.   Here are the things I’m actually doing this week:

1.    Folding a little laundry, but otherwise leaving the house as-is
2.    Moving to-do’s that simply don’t fit into my schedule onto future weeks
3.    Cooking nothing – last night’s dinner involved a lot of toast, and we’re out of butter.  My husband actually poured olive oil on his toast.
4.    Taking a week off of writing, guilt free
5.    Writing this week’s blog post and letting next week’s fend for itself – or not
6.    Keeping unanswered emails for the future – guilt free
7.    Neither shopping nor planning.  On Monday, I spent the entire afternoon with my mom, doing nothing holiday related whatsoever.

My essential self loves this list.  This week, I am doing what I know is right for me, and nothing more.  Next week is Thanksgiving.  Next week, my in-laws are coming to celebrate with us, and we are spending Wednesday and Thursday together.  Next week, my mom is having surgery on Monday.  She’s not going to be up for a Thanksgiving shindig.    Spending time with Mom – absolutely right.  We needed some time together before she leaves for the hospital.  Work can wait.  Emails can wait.  Thanksgiving dinner can be on paper plates.

What are you not doing this week?

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in Chronic Pain, Interstitial Cystitis, Mind Body Healing, Stress Relief, Vulvodynia | 2 Comments »

Less is More…and Equals Less Pain

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

I’m taking a break in the Decoding Pain series, but much more to come on that in upcoming weeks.

Doing Less - Being More!Today, I am inspired to talk about doing less and still getting it all done.  Do those two concepts seem competitive instead of complimentary?  Think again!

This is one of my favorite topics, which is why I decided to create the Do Less, Be More telecourse this month (details above).  Let me tell you more about the intention behind this class, and why I so love this topic!

One of the underlying issues beneath both physical pain and weight issues is the practice of over-efforting.  Yes, I just made up that word.  I kind of like it, actually!  It describes my past lifestyle and habits perfectly.  I am certainly not a zen master, but I have learned a great deal about why I put more effort and energy into everything than is strictly necessary – and how to get better results by doing less.

Quickly, though, I want to define doing less.  Most people probably think of doing less as actually having fewer activities, projects, and to-do’s in the schedule.  To some extent, that is part of doing less.  But doing less also means doing less unnecessary mental activity.  Have you ever noticed just how much mental energy you exert on things that are actually quite simple?  What is all that mental energy?  Usually, it’s one of the following:

Planning
Ruminating
Worrying
Reviewing
Thinking

I’ve certainly found I spend enormous amounts of time engaged in those mental activities around quite simple and small issues in my life.  This is making a mountain out of a molehill – but just in my own mind.

Thinking, planning, ruminating, worrying, and reviewing takes a lot of mental energy.  Since we can’t disconnect the mind from the body, this means it takes up a lot of energy, in general, from your physical reserves.  Things that seem simple are exhausting and overwhelming.  Soon, your body lets you know via illness or pain that you’ve seriously depleted your reserves.  You start looking for ways to feel better and up your energy (though this is often quite unconscious), whether via overeating, over-vegging, over-exercising, or other activities.

Without tools to decrease the amount of mental energy you’re exerting, you end up taking this mental habit into the rest of your life.  You start to try harder.  If something goes wrong, your first move is to work harder and do more.  If you’re trying to lose weight, this might mean adding in more exercise, or working out harder.  If you’re struggling with pain, you might try to do more mind-body work, or see more doctors/health practitioners.  Yet, all this extra effort rarely pays off.

Every time I’ve moved into an over-efforting pattern, I’ve ended up more tired, more overwhelmed, and more frustrated.  It usually creates some kind of issue in my physical body as well.  It often makes whatever I’m trying to get done even harder, and I often don’t get the results I want.

We live in a culture of doing.  We underestimate the power of less.  We even think of “being” activities like meditation as things we need to add to our to DO list, and chastise ourselves for not getting it done.

Doing less and being more is not about your to-do list.  It’s about your mind.  It’s about your emotions.  It’s about this moment, right now, and how much energy you’re putting forth.  Does it match the amount of effort truly needed?  Have you experimented to find out?

Doing less is a little more complicated than you realized, isn’t it?  Not to worry – once you start experimenting, you’ll see what I’m talking about.  If you want to know everything I know about making your life work with less energy and effort, join me next week for my Do Less, Be More telecourse.  It’s going to be a blast, and what better time to learn these tools?  Your holidays can be the perfect practice ground.  (Can’t make the class time?  No worries – calls will be recorded and sent to you.  You still get live participation in the online support forum and the worksheets.  This is one to-do that you can schedule at your leisure!)

Come chat with me on my new Facebook page!  (Link below.)

The Healthy Life Coach – Helping You Create Your Healthy Life

Promote Your Page Too

Tags: , , , , , ,
Posted in Adrenal Fatigue, Interstitial Cystitis, Mind Body Healing, Stress Relief, Vulvodynia, Weight Loss | 1 Comment »

Decoding Pain Series – Love Heals

Thursday, November 5th, 2009

To read the first post in this series, click here.

Love HealsI’ve spent a few weeks talking about one of the messages your body is trying to send you via pain: nurture yourself instead of push yourself.  Today, I’m going to talk about another request from your body:

Love yourself unconditionally.

Love is the most connective, life-giving energy you can possibly generate within yourself.  It is a healing force.  When you are disconnected from your body, angry at yourself, derogatory toward yourself, even mean to yourself, you cut yourself off from this powerful force.  Pain is the message that lets you know you’ve fallen into this pattern.  So is physical tension, and even extra weight.  The body experiences physical imbalance when the energy of love is absent.

Most of us learn this strange way of motivating ourselves that is a mixture of browbeating and scaring ourselves silly.  We think that if we can just whip ourselves into shape and get things accomplished, whatever we don’t like about ourselves will finally be squelched.  We think that then we will succeed, because we’ll be perfect, at last.

I certainly thought that, for many years.  In print, it now looks ridiculous.  After all those years of pushing, forcing, browbeating, flagellating, and scaring myself, I see that all I wanted was a sense of safety and peace within myself.

Safety and peace within yourself does not come from a “soldier on” state of mind.  It comes from repeatedly accessing that powerful energy of love, and turning that source of strength and energy inward.  It’s akin to trying to force a plant to stay alive in a dark closet.  Imagine yelling at the plant, watering it like mad, giving it fresh soil, fertilizer, and everything else you can think of.  Yet, the plant withers more with each passing day.  Without sunlight, it simply can’t live.

Love is our sunlight.  Without it, we simply can’t live.  Our health fails, our bodies wither, our souls slip away.

Sometimes it’s hard to love yourself.  I’m not asking you to be perfect at it.  I’m just pointing out the importance of leaning in that direction more and more, practicing bit by bit.  If you can learn to reward yourself with love even when you make colossal mistakes, even when you aren’t at your best, and even when you are spiraling down in a spectacular, flaming crash, then you will finally know the meaning of loving unconditionally.  Don’t mete out love only when you cross off to-do’s, accomplish amazing things, and serve others gracefully.  Your inner self knows this is fair-weather friendship, and in loving yourself only because of what you do well, you put a subtle but intense pressure on yourself all the time.

How do you generate love for yourself?  Start here: imagine someone you love.  Maybe a pet, if there are too many tangled relationships in your life right now.  Bring that love into your awareness, and allow it to grow inside you.  Feel what it feels like, physically, in your body, to feel this love.  Without even knowing all the science, the names of all the “good” hormones that are now flooding your body, you can sense that this is a place of healing.  Your body knows it, and it is asking you to purposefully bask in this flood of life force energy.

When you feel the sensation of love grow stronger inside you, direct it mentally toward yourself.  Allow yourself to receive your own love.  If, right now, this is too hard, then simply enjoy the feeling of loving others, knowing that as you practice, it will become easier and easier to love you.

We don’t often think about practicing love.  We expect it to come to us.  We expect to just feel it, randomly.  Love on purpose today.  Decide to feel love, and practice focusing on it each day.  Heed this most important request from your body.

Don’t miss the Do Less, Be More telecourse series, in which fellow Master Coach Susan Hyatt and I give you serious self-loving tools to take into regular, everyday life.

Come hang out with me on Facebook!  I just finished creating my Healthy Life Facebook page, so you’re invited to stop by and chat!

The Healthy Life Coach – Helping You Create Your Healthy Life

Promote Your Page Too

Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Posted in Adrenal Fatigue, Chronic Pain, Interstitial Cystitis, Vulvodynia, Weight Loss | 1 Comment »